Why you should ALWAYS Use Superlatives When Creating Clickbait about Belly Button Lint
Naval lint, while a pressing health issue, pales in comparison to generating quality Clickbait and MAXIMIZING rewards.
Pics of Hot Chicks are the Value Proposition
Taking some time to actually find photos which have some correlation to the topic you’re writing about is STUPID! Just throw up a couple of hi-def photos from some model’s portfolios which you came across on the interwebs. She has to be hot or have a killer cleavage. For maximum Clickbait optimization, a “tasteful” balance of both in a single pic is absolutely essential.
Through the body of the post, sprinkle a bunch of abstract landscape pics, taking care to find subject matter from something like National Geographic, which has zero correlation to the Clickbait filler.
Pics Don’t Guarantee Clicks. Bring in the Superlatives!
Let’s face it, Clickbait doesn’t sell on pics of boobs alone. Absurdly absolutist superlatives guarantee the click-throughs create upvotes and anything less than H2 subheadings are just filler. Be sure to keep perspective – it’s not about SEO optimization or the long tail. It’s about IMMEDIATE REWARDS!
Be sure to space out the content.
It needs to be in double-spaced, single sentences.
Let the magic of whitespace be the filler for the substance which isn’t there.
It looks like prose or hiakus.
So it must be deeply esoteric.
Facts Are for Loosers
Researching topics? Providing backlinks? That’s for LOOSERS.
Focus on self-help stuff with shitloads of opinions. Creating authority isn’t about providing anything useful – it’s about scraping abstract, esoteric quotes from some known figure (historical or otherwise) and sprinkling it liberally through the post when all else fails. Original ideas of substance belong in the realm of cult leaders, swamis and nut-jobs like Walt Whitman.
Optimizing those Steemit Tags Couldn’t Be EASIER
Of all the tags in the Steemit universe to “optimize” your content, two tags exist to cover all matter of sins. They are the #life and #steemit tags. Think of them as the ketchup of category tags – they go with everything.
…and if naval lint is a serious concern, Wikihow can help you with that problem.
STEEM on.
Father? - Yes son, - I want to kill you
Mother, I want to, fuck you
(@Jim Morrison)
Bravery is getting caught masturbating by your parents and asking them to close the door on their way out!
While writing this satire piece I was looking for images. When I found that Mahatma Ghandi pic, there was no way I could pass it up. Satire without offense is late night comedy.
Valued post
Inspired by your quote of mahatma gandhi !
Thank You for sharing @lpfaust
Glad I could find some inspiring words from a historically significant figure to include.
Yeah !
Many of his quotes are so popular.
If you want to check out some more motivational and inspirational quotes you can check of A.P.J Abdul Kalam
Steem on @lpfaust
I have learnt useful info regarding tags, nice article. Keep it up.
Really funny! You still have space for one more tag #navallint .
Damn. I forgot that one. I will keep that in mind for the next satire piece.
Wow what a great post keep it up....
Thanks for passing my post, I leave you a vote up :)
@exe8422 it was a great piece on where blockchains are going.
Thanks for stopping by to read and comment. I appreciate it.
I rarely laugh on Steemit, but you nailed it here. More satire. I upvote for well done satire.
@eeks thanks for the read, upvote and comment. I appreciate all of it.
Ironically, this was a first stab at satire which I considered to be a one off. Considering the reception I'm getting from it, I think I may have to start a satire series here on Steemit as well.
Glad you enjoyed the content. I have about five or so other series here on my Steemit blog you may want to check out as well. Might find some more nuggets worth a read.
You are correct sir.
And let's talk about comments. Normally they get nothing. But now that I know a sexy belly button is all I need. I should get a few bucks with this pic.
You got the #life and #steemit tags in the article, so that qualifies you as an expert at ironic satire.
Well done, sir.
STEEM On !!
Dave
@davebrewer thanks for reading and commenting, I appreciate it.
Between those embedded tags and the fake Ghandi quote I lifted, I expect a call from CNN at any moment to become their on-call expert on those tags.
You're not an expert ?? LOL