Donkey Punch Protocol (DPP) and (DP) Token Initial Coin Offering – Backed by the Full Faith and Credit of a Whitepaper, a Powerpoint Presentation (Not Really) and Zero Coding Knowledge

We often hear about the only certainties of life: death, taxes, and Ethereum wallet hacks from shitty Solidity programmers and ERC20 shitcoin tokens. Solutions exist to prepare us for death (prepaid funerals and wills) and taxes (drugs and alcohol), but we are left woefully unprepared for the theft of worthless shitcoins from our wallets. No matter how much effort is put into preparation, nobody is every prepared for the Donkey Punch.

The Donkey Punch Protocol (DPP) is the Shitcoin Plunge Protection Team - protecting you against indecisive, uncompromising Bitcoin mining pools so shady one couldn’t trust them to sit on a toilet properly, and part-time Solidity developers so busy cramming disorganized, grabasstic code into ERC20 blockchain protocol data pipes, it leaves exploited, gaping holes for easy access.

Only the DP Protocol can sufficiently fill and safeguard the exploited holes in your wallet to protect your worthless digital assets.

Innovative Approach to Smart Contract Security on the Donkey Punch Protocol

The DP Protocol takes an innovative approach to safeguard the integrity of its smart contracts and core protocol, though the aggressive use of deprecated programming languages, floppy disk drives and punch cards. Our bleeding edge research team spent millions of dollars and countless hours reviving dead coding languages with long unsupported development communities, forgotten programming libraries, and deprecated hardware technology to safeguard these worthless digital assets.

On the Donkey Punch Protocol, all smart contracts are written in COBAL and executed through a punch card interface, guaranteeing both the security and authenticity of each smart contract prior to execution.

Bleeding edge technology has never been so retro.

The Shit the Bed Index (ςτβ) – A Preemptive Approach to Plunge Protection Intervention

While deprecated programming languages are the key to the security of the protocol, a preemptive approach must be taken to maximize plunge protection intervention.

After countless hours of analyzing hypochondriacs, hoarders, and overflowing toilets, the DP team developed proprietary algorithms to provide the most conservative set of warning signals every obsessive-compulsive trapped in the world of FOMO can appreciate.

With every anticipated ERC20 wallet hack from shitty Solidity programming, the proprietary Shit the Bed Index (ςτβ) flashes red, the DP Protocol initiates a new ICO, immediately airdrops DP Tokens into all of your ERC20 wallets, and subsequently hardforks the existing DP Protocol blockchain into a brand new chain. This not only guarantees mass confusion and crypto exchange shutdowns, but also tons of worthless shitcoins duped into your ERC20 wallet to preemptively replace the other worthless shitcoins you could lose from a hack - and two incompatible chains bring twice the coins with exponential levels of misery and confusion.

Once the Shit the Bed Index flashes red again, the protocol initiates another preemptive plunge protection round, starting with a new ICO all over again. This grants the privilege of reliving that ICO shitcoin bonanza feeling all over again, as every ERC20 wallet you own is stuffed with DP Tokens preemptively, like a direct mail campaign. The air drop feature requires no opt in. All you need to become an unwilling participant is some kind of ERC20 wallet.

Donkey Punch Token Supply and Inflation Rate

In his treatise Wealth of Nations, Adam Smith definitively stated maximum perceived value of a currency is directly proportional to maximum supply, and the Donkey Punch Protocol aggressively embraces this classic economic theory.

The inflation rate was conservatively modeled to produce a total number of coins equivalent to the inflation rate of 2008-2009 Zimbabwe (76.8 Billion Percent) or the total number of shitcoins stolen from hacked ERC20 wallets – whichever is greater - at each ICO plunge protection event.

Logically, maximum value can only be realized when everyone has tokens they cannot get rid of.

The Donkey Punch Protocol ICO – it’s the ICO you can’t get way from. Who would have thought annoyance and misery could ever come so easily to the ERC20 Shitcoin community?