My Secret to Corporate Success – Steemians are you listening? (not to be taken seriously--Satire-writing)

How often have you seen a better person rise to the top of a community or organization? That example should speak for itself. Today, more than ever, emerging leaders have a capacity and compassion towards all others, regardless of culture. If you read that and though, “Wow. What a bunch of garbage,” you would be right to think so.

The corporate world is filled with corruption. While you will always win more bees with honey than vinegar, why would you invite a bunch of things with stingers that could potentially kill you into your life?

That’s not what I did to get to the top. In fact, I did the opposite. My secret is—without doing anyone any actual harm, of course—I pitted people against each other for years. In no time, I was getting the promotions. I was having people coming to me for help and asking for advice. I was the one people wanted, if not needed, as their best friend. You could say I manipulated right to the top.

I modeled what I saw people doing on reality TV. Reality TV is incredible. It’s literally the blueprint for how to put people at odds with each other, manufacture problems, and completely destroy your enemies while getting the maximum amount of attention possible.

The urgency of our society pushes an accelerated social identity – where we push ourselves and hasten our decision-making processes in order to squeeze every last dollar from each passing second. While this may benefit the bottom line by the end of the day, what about the end of the week, or the month, or the year? Do we truly benefit from our haste?

The answer is yes – we absolutely do. Remember that time the Kardashian’s clawed and killed their way to the top of Hollywood by pitting themselves against other no-name celebrities and talentless hacks? You can do the same! Don’t worry if you have nothing to contribute at all to society. Nobody cares. Just scream and kick, and people come running to watch. Then, when the dust settles, you’ll look awesome—because you will have been the center of attention for the last 15 minutes.

What if you took each step of your day with a penance more of peacefulness and mindfulness?

Again, our society tends to brand a certain weakness upon those who act with kindness. There is a rather irrational hatred towards someone who will act selflessly and slow the needle of progress. Well you do not want to be a debilitating individual within your community, your workplace, and society, would it be so wrong to treat each decision and interpersonal interaction with more sweetness than sour ambivalence?

Did you seriously just read that? Doesn’t that sound like idiotic preachy garbage? It is! Just fight with your co-workers. It’ll all work out. The cure that can bring triumph over naysayers who wish to prey upon hate and fear, and those who wish to stop and smell the roses, is to smile and think positively more than you think negatively. Undoubtedly, you will live a happier life – and you may find that you are one of the few that will actually rise to the top. That, or, you can act like a reality TV star and then run for president to take over the world. No one will be laughing then.