Guilt
“When you can measure what you are speaking about, and express it in numbers, you know something about it, when you cannot express it in numbers, your knowledge is of a meager and unsatisfactory kind; it may be the beginning of knowledge, but you have scarcely, in your thoughts advanced to the stage of science.”
― William Thomson, 1st Baron Kelvin
So we need a scale. I made one. I’m call it the Omnicron Guilt Scale since for anything to be scientific it has to have a Greek Letter somewhere and the greek letter for Omnicron is the same as the English letter ‘O’,which is on my keyboard without having to bother with Geeky stuff that I don’t know how to do.
Race
The White Man's Burden
Go bind your sons to exile, to serve your captives' need;
To wait in heavy harness, On fluttered folk and wild—
Your new-caught, sullen peoples, Half-devil and half-child.
To veil the threat of terror And check the show of pride;
By open speech and simple, An hundred times made plain
To seek another's profit, And work another's gain.
Fill full the mouth of Famine And bid the sickness cease;
And when your goal is nearest The end for others sought,
Watch sloth and heathen Folly Bring all your hopes to nought.
But toil of serf and sweeper, The tale of common things.
The ports ye shall not enter, The roads ye shall not tread,
Go make them with your living, And mark them with your dead.
The blame of those ye better, The hate of those ye guard—
The cry of hosts ye humour (Ah, slowly!) toward the light:—
"Why brought he us from bondage, Our loved Egyptian night?"
Nor call too loud on Freedom To cloak your weariness;
By all ye cry or whisper, By all ye leave or do,
The silent, sullen peoples Shall weigh your gods and you.
The lightly proffered laurel, The easy, ungrudged praise.
Comes now, to search your manhood, through all the thankless years
Cold, edged with dear-bought wisdom, The judgment of your peers!)
This establishes the white man’s guilt. History is replete with examples of how the whites are mean evil nasty no good rotten people.
+1 Whites:The White Race is GUILTY! There’s no doubt about it. Therefore I propose that whites be enumerated with a scale of +1 on the guilt scale
-1 Blacks : Blacks receive a negative number in this calculation. They are as not guilty as whites are guilty (because: slavery)
-2 Indians….oops. I mean ‘native americans’ oops...I mean ‘first peoples’ aren’t guilty either. The are even less guilty than Blacks. They have been oppressed throughout history worse than blacks who were oppressed as individuals, not as whole peoples. Entire tribes were genocided. The Mohicans are just gone. When allowed to live the first peoples land was taken away from them. In the wild they were noble savages living in harmony with nature in peace and love. So they get a score of minus two on the Omnicron Scale
+.75 Asians. Asians are almost as bad as whites. They actually study in school and make good grades. That’s not fair to everyone else. That’s improper use of privilege. They shouldn’t be allowed to do that. Asians are improperly ascendent in world commerce at the expense of others. It’s ok, even desired, to burden whites, they deserve it, but all the other races of the world are innocent victims. Consequently Asians get a +.75 on the Guilt Scale. They are three quarters as bad as whites.
Black, White, Yellow, and Red, that about covers Race
Age
Age This is a sliding scale. Old people are guilty. The older they are the more guilty they are. Babies are pure as the driven snow. Except for the unborn. The unborn aren't even human. They are just masses of cells and can be disposed of at the will of their mother. It’s her body, her choice. But as those cells get older they get more and more less guilty until they are born. At birth they are zero. Innocent until they age to guilty. The older they get the more guilty they get. So we’ll give Age a sliding scale guilt metric of based on a negative stable distribution of .5
Religion 
There are 4,300 different religions in the world and every one of them is the One True Word of God.
Just ask them. Except for Christianity. Christianity is responsible for most of the evil in the world.
3 x ‘n’Christianity There are 41,000 christian denominations in the world. They are all bad. They are all mean bad and nasty. Christianity is a bully when it comes to religion. It’s the bad boy. What’s worse is that there is are so MANY of them. Being Christian they are, by definition, bad. I give them a Omnicron scale multiplier of +3. Exactly how plus would depend on which denomination they belong to. Obviously some denominations are more guilty than others. This is a judgement call on the part of the analyst.
Example...assign 'strength' of 19830 to baptist then multiply by 3. Baptists would then be rated at 59490.
-3 x ‘N’ : Other Religions They’re all good. Mostly they are just misunderstood. It’s all christianity’s fault. They all have a negative guilt multiplier of negative three. Once again the rating is a judgement call for the analyst.
Example ... after much soul searching, because they are all good, and it's so hard to judge, but we need a number, an analyste might assign 'strength' of 7315 to Mandaean Rastafarians which would give a -3 x 7315 = -21945 . So comparing Baptists at 59490 to Mandaean Rastafarians at - 21945 we see that Baptists are 29260 points more guilty than Mandaean Rastafarians.
1 Males. Being male is even worse than being White. The male of the species is responsible for every bad thing that has ever happened in the history of the universe.
-1 Female Naturally females are the polar opposite of males and are consequently innocent of any wrongdoing. EVER. It’s a mistake to think that they do anything bad because males forced them to do it. I give them a Omnicron scale of -2
-‘n’ - Non Traditional Gender Facebook, the world authority on everything, lists 56 categories of NotMale/Not Female. Obviously they are all less guilty than white male. Once again judging where they go on the Omnicron Scale would be up to the analyst. It goes without saying that it would be negative guilt.
The richer someone is the more guilty they are. Measured by net worth.
example : if someone has a net worth of $50,000 they have a positive guilt indice of 50K
There are 196 nations in the world. Thirty five, the Western Nations are evil. The USA is the most evil of the bunch. Therefore all of the Western Nations have a positive guilt prefix, while the rest of the world would be negative..for less guilt. . Detailed analyst would be required to assign a Omnicron rating to any country except for the US. It's the worst.
No number assigned. Only value. Conservative is plus guilty, Liberal is minus guilty.
Used in the Omnicron equation the political metric flips the guilt. For example. A male is guilty...unless he's a liberal male..then he's not guilty. Someone who is rich is guilty, unless they are liberal then the sign flips and they are not guilty. HOWEVER...if someone is inherently not guilty, such as say... a Two Spirit, who is inherently not guilty, then if xhewould be more not guilty.
To show how this works.
An 65 year old white rich($50K net worth) who is a conservative christian (baptist) male would be a would have an Omnicron ranking of
65 year old = + 65
conservative: guilty +
Baptist = rank of 59490 (earlier example)
Male = guilty
White = guilty +
rich = 50K (earlier example)
for a ranking of 65 x 59490 x 50,000 = 193,342,500,000
compared to a Black, 35 year old female, with a net worth of nothing, who is a Mandaean Rastafarians at - 21945
Age = 35
liberal = not guilty (by definition, since all not-rich/not western are liberal)
Female = not guilty
poor = 0
for a score of 35 x - 21945 =-768,075 see how much less guilt she has?
What's fun is to compare a An 65 year old white rich($100K net worth) who is a liberal male, nonspecified religon.
65 year old = + 65
liberal :NOT guilty negative sign flipper
Male = NOT guilty since being liberal flipped the sign
White = NOT guilty
rich =$100K
that adds up to - 6,500,000
That's even less guilty than the Black, 35 year old female, with a net worth of nothing, who is a Mandaean Rastafarians with a rating of -768,075.
It's kind of like the early Catholic practice of selling indulgences. Same thing actually. Be liberal, do what you want to do with no guilt.
Even better. George Soros A billionaire, who as a young man assisted the Nazi's during WWII and later said
he also spends hundred of millions of dollars on organizations attempting to undermine the United States. However...he is a liberal so that makes it OK. He's NOT GUILTY. (he bears no guilt)
Whereas the Koch Brothers spend hundres of millions of dollars on hospitals, education and even public broadcasting...and yet since they are conservative they are GUILTY.
See how that works?
Nice..I can vibe to this post
You put a lot of work into your wit. I like it!