Dear Americans Stressing The Fear Of Invasion In WW3 - Comedy Open Mic #9 - Entry 1

Ok, we knew this was going to happen since Trump took office.Trump ordered strikes in Syria, we found out about that on twitter, I'd add a punchline to this if it wasn't a joke already. Sure, we might be on the brink of a third world war but we all knew this was coming when the U.S election had the devil running. Sure, Trump defeated her but that didn't mean it wasn't coming. After all, egotistical men die to show off their big dicks. No wonder all the bullets, rockets and nuclear missiles are shaped like one. So as we witness the nuclear version of a 4-by-4 sports car known as: The overcompensation6K I'd like to say to Americans who are stressing about the war and getting invaded that it's all going to be okay, nothing to worry about.

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Take it from an Iraqi, your country isn't doing anything that makes it okay to be invaded like Iraq did. After all, you guys didn't tamper and interfere in other countries internal affairs... oh wait... Okay you did.

But you don't have weapons of mass destruction....oh wait... Okay you do, which by the way we didn't. Wait, why were we invaded again? Oh yeah, because of all the non-Iraqi people who did 9/11, or was it to bring us freedom and safety? Good job on that by the way. I'm now free to go wherever I want between 6 AM and 9 PM. Except for fancy places, because they're always under threat of being attacked, malls because they might get bombed, parks because that's where criminals hide. But hey, the shop downstairs has marshmallows and that's really all I need, and I'm free to go there. Really though, don't worry we can handle it.

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But now as some Americans express fear of being invaded, here are some helpful tips:

1-Change Your Culture: It's very important to remember that having a country send their army to invade is due to your fault of having a different culture than a country that is in an entirely different continent. Of course it won't be just one country, but in fact, a bunch of them ganging up on you.

But what the hell! Statistically speaking; Most participants in a gang rape enjoy the experience, so majority rules I guess?

So, just know things will change. Don't be surprised if the local grocery runs out of food and don't wake up after being invaded asking "Where's my McMuffin?". Also lots of your complaints would be less valid. I can see it already, 40 something year old white woman going to enemy army saying "Excuse me, I have a complaint. May I speak to your manager?" Then complaining. "While killing the Smiths, your guys ruined my fucking lawn!". Don't fucking demand a reimbursement for the lawn,either. Enemy armies have a very strict reimbursing policy called Fuck you

You can try keeping the culture going by giving stickers of cute little puppies to mark out dead babies. Okay, I know that's too harsh, no jokes should be made about puppy stickers. My cousin actually suffered because of puppy stickers. He was buying puppy stickers for his wife when an explosion happened in the shop. Don't worry, though, his wife died with him. Their 8 year old son only lost his two arms. One for each of his parents that he was holding hands with. The kid got cancer 4 months later, but he's good now. Well maybe, we haven't seen him since he was kidnapped. Just kidding, he didn't actually survive the explosion..... It's a comedy about war fuckers, what did you expect? A positive perspective? Okay, they all died pretty quickly.

2- Don't resist: Things will change, your prisons will be practically male strip clubs for enemy soldiers, but remember, don't fight back. If they walk into your houses, just let them. Otherwise you'd be labeled a terrorist. Now I've been called a lot of names before, goat-fucker, shit face, fat cunt, Charlie. I was okay with all of those names because to some degree each one of them has been true. But I will never be called a terrorist because I never fought for my country.

3- Expect bad things to happen: Just like any war, there will be a list of bad things happening, like:
A) Constant racism and minorities with no rights: I see you've already taken care of that
B) Guns and rifles would be everywhere: That too.
C)Schools won't be safe: I'm just being redundant at this point, aren't I?

Okay, at least, you won't have to worry about people protesting anymore. Goddamn those people protesting to have rights and not get killed. But basically nothing NEW that's going to happen, but in all honesty Americans shouldn't be forced to watch bad things happening, especially when they're perfectly fine doing bad things by choice.

In the end I'd say don't be stressed about being invaded, because the world is following your lead. If innocents dying in the hand of the strong army is justified when you do it then it's justified when it's done to you. After all you taught us the great lesson that a war is the best way toward peace.

Disclaimer
This post wouldn't have been possible if it wasn't for the effort of Arab countries in getting invaded, special shout out to Afghanistan and Iraq, Vietnam and many others, Only 20 Million people died in the making of this post, but they're Arabs, Afghani, Vietnamese and other non-Americans, so who gives a shit really?

Special thanks to @idenkcall and other friends for editing the mess that was this post.

I nominate @Holybranches, he knows why.
And @Traf, I won't stop nominating you till you make an actual long ass satire entry.