Depression

I am real low today. Maybe it is a pre-spring/end of winter in Minnesota sadness.

I’ve tried everything to beat it.

I went through all my old social media sites and viciously trolled strangers in the political debates until my hands began to sweat. I sent relentless and anonymous mockery back and forth with frustrated and angry people in other parts of the country/world who I will never meet until my breathing became harsh and ragged. I made up fraudulent and slanderous stories about things I have never experienced and spread them as if they were a first person truth. I paced the room looking for just the right insult until the pain in my chest drove me back to my chair. I hacked and spit and clawed like an animal, felt the adrenaline rush of the kill, and made damn sure I never gave an inch or displayed any human feeling.

It has done no good. I am still as glum as before.

I don’t understand it. Should I swear more? Should I get off the internet and take this act to the street? How shitty, cruel, and stupid do I have to be to feel better about life??

I guess it is just the way it is. Sigh.