ROCKSTAR PURE ZERO: AN AMATEURISH ENERGY DRINK REVIEW

HOLY SHIT THIS STUFF TASTES AWFUL BUT I AM AWAKE NOW THE FLAVOR IS NOTHING LIKE IT SAYS ON THE CAN WHAT DO THEY MEAN "TANGERINE MANGO GUAVA STRAWBERRY" IT JUST REEKS OF THE SAME TANGY STENCH AS EVERY OTHER ENERGY DRINK I THINK ALL I SMELL IS CAFFEINE BUT HOLY SHIT AM I AWAKE NOW HOW DO I STOP THE ROOM FROM VIBRATING ARE WE HAVING AN EARTHQUAKE I DON'T KNOW

Well, I am tired of that joke already.

I keep falling for the hype behind these drinks every couple months. "Oh, I haven't had an overpriced can of overcaffeinated, artificially sweetened, artificially colored, artificially flavored carbonated water in a while. Maybe I should try that as a morning pick-me-up."

Nope.

Still tastes bad, and it's always too much and too fast with the caffeine intake. Also, it doesn't actually provide energy, just awakeness. The energy claim is probably based more on all the sugar in the standard versions. I don't need a sugar rush on top of the caffeine. I'll take my insomnia without a side of diabetes, thanks. Of course, the artificial sweeteners are probably carcinogens, too.

I can't recommend any energy drinks, really. But if you are going to drink these, it's probably better to stick with major brands from the big evil corporations like Monster and Rockstar. It reminds you how pointless these overhyped super-sodas really are, and how much of a sellout to marketing wankery you are.

Tomorrow: coffee? I need to buy a bag from the local roasters.