A Complet Latter

The letter

I didn't write for a few days because I was travelling and with tons of work, but I have several posts in mind.

I thought I'd dedicate a post to this person, but first I'd like to leave here what he wrote for me.

"To that person who taught me what love was.

No, this is not another one of my letters that I'm trying to win you back. And no, this isn't another letter full of day.

I was talking to a friend today who's not having a good time with the girl he likes. He tells me that even though the girl ended him, he still talks to him and doesn't let him forget. It doesn't let the wounds heal. That made me think about what happened to us. I remembered, that last day in Lima and how from that day on you began to disappear. At the time I didn't understand and it hurt me that you did that. It hurt every time I had to call you on a pay phone because you didn't answer my messages or my calls. I didn't understand how you could do it. It was so hard for me. I didn't understand how that day I went to see you turned me down for a kiss. A lot of things didn't make sense.

And much of my confusion stemmed from the fact that we had loved each other so much, it was impossible for me to believe that someone who loved someone else could disappear that way and just when I felt I needed you most. Those were difficult months. As you have already read in my blog, there was not only one culprit, there were many things that led me to this. But it took me a long time to figure out why you did it.

I don't know if I've been wrong this whole time. But I have a theory, I think I know why you disappeared like you did. You did it because you realized that we didn't give up and I don't feel like you stopped loving me. I feel like you did it in part for me. You knew that if you were still present, I could never move forward, and neither could you. You needed the time and space to heal, and I needed it more.

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for that. Now that I see it in retrospect, it was the best decision. Thank you for making that difficult decision for both of us. I know you never meant to hurt me, for four years we had our highs and lows. But you always showed me that you loved me, despite the mistakes, you stayed in difficult moments and many of the things I told or will tell in the blog I lived with you.

You taught me what love was, how infinite love was for another person. And when you left, you taught me to love myself. I don't know if you did it on purpose, but it worked. Today I am in a place in my life where I need to thank all the people who helped with my recovery. And you probably got one of the hardest parts. You put up with a lot of shit because of my insecurity and my lack of self-esteem and you stayed. You stayed as long as humanly possible. You even chased me to that cab so I wouldn't leave. You tried until the end.

Today I have nothing but gratitude and love for you. I don't know where life will take us, I don't know where we'll end up. At the other's wedding making a toast, separated by millions of kilometers skype with our children, being family when one of your nephews meets one of my nieces. I don't know, what I do know is that those four years marked a before and after. And very few people can do that.

Before you I never knew what I had around me, I was always quite comfortable with what life gave me. When you disappeared you gave me the opportunity to learn to fall in love again, also to have my heart broken a couple of times, and to understand that I am not going to die because someone doesn't love me. I learned to be alone and calm with it. I met many people, who until today are very good friends of mine. And I met people who are now strangers. I did stupid things, got drunk, smoked a lot, smoked other things, met people from all over the world to realize that good people exist.

We were kids when we met. But I feel like we've grown so much together, and so much further apart. I'm glad you read to me and like it. I hope to be able to see you one of these days and give you the hug you deserve so much for everything you did. And see that it's me again, the one who sang in the taxi that we met some song I don't remember anymore. The one who made jokes and sang in the street again.