I survived Mercury retrograde....

Barely....and it's not quite over yet. Here comes the shadow period.

It seems like not everyone is affected by Mercury retrogrades, but it seems to affect me deeply, at least twice a year, despite any preparations I try to make.

Before this last retrograde, I had a part-time job and a car, and I was finishing up my bachelor's degree. I felt like I was working towards having more of a purpose in life. Now, I don't have any of these things, and feel a huge lack of purpose. My, how things can change quickly!

I have completed 81% of my course requirements for my bachelor's degree when I became too overwhelmed to continue with school. I will probably go back eventually, but my financial aid is almost capped out, so I will have to pay at least a couple grand before I can go back. Maybe it is so hellish for me because I am not meant to be in the criminal justice field, or maybe I am just too overwhelmed by other things in my life. I felt that it might be better to search for a full time job so that my family can get out of this always-too-poor-to-even-pay-all-our-bills rut. I was driving part-time for Lyft, but with a rental car payment of $220/week, I had to give the car back. My sister had left a car with me so I would have transportation if needed. I sent my resume all over various websites. I got a call for an interview, which went well. On my way home for the interview, something happened to the radiator. Now I can't take any job. I also can't pay my phone bill, so since it is shut off, who knows if I got any job offers.

I am hoping that all of this happened so that new doors can open, but only time will tell.

I am trying to see these seemingly negative changes as new opportunities. Now I have more time to keep up with housework, maybe work on changing my eating habits and exercising more. I am not ready to actually make these changes, but I am in the planning stages of it. I am not ready to start making changes yet because I am still adjusting to everything I have lost, which has thrown me into a pretty terrible depression, so I have to work on that first.

I have also noticed how judgmental people can be of someone trying to work through depression. I usually do not care what others think about me, but it is hard when the judgement comes from people who are closest to you. My husband has been extra supportive instead of judgmental, which is new for me, but so wonderful. Others who have been understanding in the past are now asking me why I can't just pull myself together, take a minimum wage job, and go to school part-time....even after explaining that you can't just "pull yourself out" of a clinical depression, and I have to be mindful about any job I take because I also have generalized anxiety disorder, and I have to avoid certain triggers. Also, my financial aid is only available to me if I go to school full time. If I went part-time, I would have to self pay, which is impossible right now. Due to my disorders, my mind doesn't work quite the same as everyone else, but if I am not doing what every other seemingly responsible adult does, certain family members talk behind my back about what a failure I am, and it sucks.

All in all, if you know someone with depression or anxiety, be supportive instead of judgmental. The things you see as "easy" to do may be extremely difficult for them. We never know what life is really like for another person. Hearing, "I'm here if you need to talk" is much better than, "If you just did __________, then your life would be so much better." Little things that may seem like a helpful suggestion to you may be perceived as an annoying judgement to someone else. Only give suggestions if someone asks for them. Having depression and anxiety is hard enough!