What People Who Cheat Know, & What They Want You To Know

It hurts, we know it hurts. It hurts you and it hurts us too, but the pain we feel doesn't matter; we brought it upon ourselves didn't we? Well, kind of, at least on my end. Influenced by substance is kind of a different and difficult matter. You'd only understand if it happened to you on the wrong end but it's still our fault, we know.

We know we hurt you, we know it hurts. The regret is substantial and so is the self-hate. It feels impossible to cope, and yeah, who are we to say. We know it hurts you more, but you need to know it hurts us too. We know we did wrong, we know we owe you everything. We know everything won't fix it or change it, or heal you, but what else can we offer? We'll apologize a million times and each apology will ring in your ears and mean nothing to you. We'll catch ourselves talking about how bad we feel but turn the focus back to how bad we made you feel. We know how hard it will be to gain back trust and we'll sacrifice what we can to earn it back. Being on the wrong end, the cheaters end, we want you to know we'll struggle too. We both have to live with a discomfort and find ways to work through it, but you'll never feel the same about us again. That's okay, we understand, we deserve to be grudged. But we also deserve to be forgiven, that makes you cringe, doesn't it? It makes us cringe too because we won't ever expect forgiveness, we'll just hope for it.

We want you to know we're sorry, and we want you to know we mean it. We care about you and how you feel, and we're sorry for the mistake. We're sorry for hurting you, we're sorry for betraying you, we're sorry for it all.

At least I know I am. I'm sorry. I hope it means something to you.