What does it mean to “fall in love”? How to decide if it's real? Part I/2

Excerpt: there are several levels of infatuation - the physical, the mental, the emotional and the spiritual. This article (one of two in a series) will explain to the curious minds what each level means and how going deeper from one to the next can greatly improve our happiness and content.*

Usually when we meet a new person for a potential romantic relationship some questions arise: how do people fall in love, how can we tell that “this is it”, are our feelings real, is there such a thing as ‘love at first sight’? What is True Love? How to avoid making mistakes? Our mind is packed with dilemmas.

Some online dating websites present profiles of people in which individuals tell about themselves and their desired spouse. Most descriptions contain an all-inclusive reference such as: “I am looking for a self-confident man, one who knows to give and spoil, a thoughtful person, communicative, who will know to explain what he wants and what he feels. Someone who is ready for a serious relationship. Non-smoker only. I prefer a blue-eyed man”.

In such a description, which is rather common to many who look for a loving spouse, there are several levels of attitude. And indeed, when we eventually fall in love we instantly traverse from one level to the next according to consciousness-level we have gained. In order to understand what happens to us in the moment of “falling in love”, and as a tool that would help you to make decisions regarding current or future relationships, I would like to detail in the next two articles the different layers that comprise the psychic status called “infatuation”.

But first - One important remark: it is never a question of hierarchy. Those who identify themselves on level number 1- the physical level – should not feel inferior or underdeveloped. Level four, for instance, is not better than level two and vice versa. In general, it is highly recommended to leave judgment aside when we examine other people’s paths in life; we all have our unique way to handle our realities and those who observe from aside do not and cannot have the moral or ethical right and wisdom to judge.

Level number one –the Physical infatuation

We fall in love with someone who physically attracts us; Their hair, their height, their figure. A rush of excitement goes through our being each time we lay our eyes on the subject of our affection. Our body responds and we are literally pulled towards that person; we yearn to talk to him/her, to explore their essence, to be with them. Some say that this level of infatuation is shallow. Not so. The physical attraction is an extremely important sign which says: “pay attention, there is something appropriate here for you, a potential for a true relationship. Check this out”. It is true though, that those who base their connection and their relationship solely on physical features ground themselves deeply in the first level and therefore, once the good look disappears or changes, they face a problem. Then they naturally look for a solution and the easiest way out would be to replace their unattractive spouse with a so-called prettier version whom they find attractive. Although very few choose to, the more challenging and rewarding way out from the situation would be to outgrow to one of the next levels.

Level number two – The Mental infatuation

We fall in love with one’s mind and intellect that is revealed to us throughout the acquaintance. Infatuation at this level does not happen instantly but following a certain period of time – not long though – after the initial encounter. It does not replace the first physical level but rather supplements to it. That is, after we had met a person that we found attractive and to whom our body responded with excitement and thrill, we begin to spend time in that person’s company. We converse, talk, listen and exchange data and information. That enhances the initial attraction and we feel that we are “more in love” with them. The reason is that we fall in love with one’s present awareness: their sense of humor, their general knowledge, their wittiness. We are ‘turned on’ by their analytical perception of the reality, their communicative skills and so on and so forth. We are stimulated by the food for the mind that we just had; Something within tells us that “we have many things in common”, and that “this time it is not a mere physical attraction”. Naturally, our level of excitement arises and we are reassured by our mind regarding the marvelous potential of the relationship. Those of us who are very analytic, that is, they are led by a rational approach to life rather than the intuitive one, would jump into a conclusion that the person they fall in love with is their destined spouse and that s/he is "The ONE”. If that “One” is also driven by rationality and is in love with them as well, then a mutual commitment to each other is obvious and unquestioned, and the happy couple is urged begin marching the aisle towards “happily ever after” kind of life.

A problem might occur if one of the spouses resides on a higher level than the other (not better- just higher) and therefore cannot and will not commit until they fall in love on that level as well. Such situation might make the other spouse frustrated and confused thinking that they are not loved by the other. The trick is to understand that each person lives on a different level and therefore has his/her own perception of the reality.

Level number three - emotional infatuation

Here it is a totally different story. Whereas the first and second levels are relatively close to each other, the emotional one is ten steps deeper. Falling in love here occurs only when one observes certain emotional qualities that one’s spouse possesses, such as compassion, kindness, goodness, thoughtfulness, gentleness, assertiveness, giving, self-reliance etc. Some people have focused on that level already when they embark in their search for love and therefore even if they meet a person who attracts them physically and intellectually, they will not fall in love with them. The “click”, as far as they are concerned, can happen not before they have become aware of that person’s emotional characters. When that happens, their mind scans automatically the physical and mental features of the person and if no extraordinary defect is noticed, the person allows himself to be swept into the relationship and to fall in love. Two people who on the emotional level who are in love with each other will be able to create an abundant and colorful relationship: it will be vivid with plenty of personal challenges and sometimes emotional extremes. Such a couple will analyze situations from the emotional perspective and would never settle for mere rational explanations.

In the next article – in-depth look into the emotional level plus discussion of the spiritual stage of infatuation.

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