BREAKING UP… It's Not You -- IT'S ME!

"Down dooby doo down down -- Breaking up is hard to do…" -- Neil Sedaka

GETTING DUMPED…

Breaking up, ending a relationship -- getting dumped.., is usually a pretty unpleasant experience for everyone involved, at best… At worst, it is a gut wrenching, heartbreaking, yelling, screaming, cursing and crying shitshow… And there is a good chance, you have either been the user or recipient of the, ever popular -- "It's not you -- it's me" line. It's probably the reason for all the cursing!

But seriously…

Whether you are -- doing the dumping or getting dumped.., it doesn't really matter, what the actually line used to stomp on your heart -- it's going to suck. But the particular line -- "It's not you, it's me…" can be profoundly stinging, because you know it's bullshit -- a complete cop out! Even though, the very words themselves, have only one intention -- to make you feel better and lessen the blow of getting kicked to the curb -- NOT!

And when it's actually happening.., as the words -- "It's not you, it's me" register in your brain.., all you can think is -- "This MOTHERFUCKER is using the -- "It's not you, it's me" line -- REALLY?! What's so harsh about this over used relationship killer of a line is… IT SCREAMS you put absolutely no thought into this breakup.., that person you lied down with every night for the last few years (or however long) couldn't even put a little thought into ripping your heart out…

It's a metaphorical slap in the face!

BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

Relationships can be tough.., but ending them can be even tougher… There is nothing worse than losing that connection to a significant other -- it can be devastating. But the Drama Queen in all of us tends to exaggerate situations, such as this -- romanticizing your time together, making it more than it possibly was.., is quite common.

Building up, your now estranged partner, as you wallow in self pity -- is normal!

After all, being in a relationship can.., and should be, the best thing in your world -- that feeling of "having each others back" or the "you and me against the world thing" are some of the best feelings you will ever feel.., and you get to feel them everyday when you're in a relationship (a good one)… This kind of love can knock you off your feet, make you act in ways you never thought possible.., and when it walks out the door, so do all those possibilities.

But.., yes, there is always a but --

If we are completely honest with ourselves.., maybe it wasn't all that great, maybe what we are grieving, is the illusion we created in our mind.., that "false" sense of security never more evident, making us feel even worse, if that's possible -- "No, wait-- please don't go!" Not one of your finer moments...

…forgetting all the times he cheated on you, or what a cold bitch she could be… Look, getting dumped sucks… But being the person responsible for this kind of devastation is no walk in the park, either.

But the both of you will survive…

You will go on to love many more people, maybe get married.., have a family -- who knows… Point being, life goes.., and so will you. In a perfect world, getting dumped would be one of the best things that could happen to you -- being with someone that does not want to be with you, is nothing more than a big waste of time.., and you deserve better. Breakups should be (in an adult relationship) a friendly parting of the ways, a good sturdy handshake or hug.., and off you go, to get on with your own separate lives. And if our emotions didn't take over and come spilling out all over the place -- that's how they would go…

In the honor of full disclosure.., I have had a few relationships in my day -- good and bad, amazing and really bad… I have been the dumper and the one getting dumped.., and in most cases things went as well as could be expected -- but into each life a little crazy must fall ever now and then… And to be completely honest, I have used the very line -- "It's not you, it's me" when ending a somewhat brief relationship, when I was still young and inexperienced (stupid)…

And to my complete surprise.., it didn't go over very well!

The first night after the breakup.., I woke up in the middle of the night because something was dripping on my face -- when I opened my eyes, my now ex-girlfriend was straddling my face, her knees by each of my ears.., and as she was screaming -- "IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME…" she was simultaneously spitting in my face (never forget to get the keys to your apartment back) -- freaked me out…

And while this woman was completely INSANE.., I will admit I could have handled the whole breakup better… Using a pre-packaged breakup line, was demeaning and disrespectful.., and people deserve more than that -- especially a significant other. No matter how hard or uncomfortable it may be, being honest (not being mean).., being truthful when ending a relationship -- is the best way to go. Good luck!


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