Let’s face facts, not every relationship is a lasting one. In fact, for every one that lasts a lifetime, 3 to 5 fail. Clearly, most adults have survived a break up at some point during their lives. We live through them and we’re stronger for them, but the reality is that break ups are never easy.
Whether you are the one that decides to move on, or your partner tells you he or she wants out of the relationship, or the two of you mutually decide to end the partnership, break ups are never easy.
If you happen to be in a relationship and you are torn about whether to continue or to give up and move on, your life is a mess. From the outside others may think you are living the dream. Perhaps you have a great job and a beautiful home. But the reality is that if you are living with this underlying turmoil of unhappiness, your life is a mess.
Let’s go through a typical scenario. You and your partner have been so busy working to have the things in life that you want, that you have lost touch with each other. The weekly dates and long conversations ended long ago. Instead you see each other on the run or at the end of the day, when you’re both exhausted. However, during those long hours on the job you develop a bond with a co-worker. You take breaks and lunches together and this person becomes your go to person for support and advice related to work.
But the relationship is deep and continues to grow. You find you depend on this person daily. It’s easy to see how a love relationship could develop.
So let’s say it does. Yes, you find that you ‘love’ this person. He/she understands the pressures you are under on the job and they are right there to offer support and assistance.
Naturally you begin comparing that relationship to the one that you have with your partner at home – the person that you hardly see or spend meaningful time with. You could easily forget that the two of you are working these long hours so that you can have that beautiful home and an amazing lifestyle. Instead, you could look at the negative side of things – the fact that your time together is not meaningful and that you really don’t you’re your partner anymore. You know your life is a mess and you are living in turmoil and unhappiness.
What to do – what to do. A quick fix is to simply break up and pursue a relationship with someone that really understands you – and that would be the person at work of course. So where would that put you? A messy divorce or break up which would likely mean giving up that beautiful home, not to mention giving up a person that you love. You do still love them don’t you?
If you answered yes to that then a break up is not the answer. A better solution is working harder at communication. Find time for each other. Make dates and keep them. Set your alarm 15 minutes early so you can have a quickie or a conversation over a cup of coffee. Make the effort to get to know your partner again. Decide if working the long hours and giving up the time together is worth it. Would it be better to downsize in some ways and cut back on your living expenses? Could you exist with less money?
Relationships work only if the people in them work to make them work. Don’t lose touch with your partner. This is often the first step to a break up.