Have you ever wanted to break up with your friends?

Have you ever wanted to break up with your friends?

Try this. Write down the names of the five people you spend the most time with. Describe them, their habits, how they speak, and who they are as a person. If you do this you will see that you are describing yourself. The question then becomes, do you like the way you are being described?

When you realize there is a person in your life who doesn't align with your values it can be difficult to end the relationship. It’s not like breaking up with someone after a few months of dating. Friendships don’t work like that.

But there are strategies to tactfully move out of relationships that are weighing you down.

Number one is to stop feeding the energies that you don’t want in your life. For example, let's say you have a friend who gossips. This person likes telling you about other people in a negative way. If you were to tell them you don’t want to hear it, and commit to not listening when they bring it up, you will become boring to that person.

That person likes gossiping, and they need an audience or it’s not fun for them. So by disengaging with the behavior you don’t like, that person will naturally move away from you. They will find someone else to gossip to.

The second thing to do is to stop reaching out to that person. Don’t ignore them, because that’s just mean. Respond to them politely, but don’t continue the conversation. The relationship will naturally dissipate when you do this.

If you run into them in person, don’t be rude. Just don’t continue to engage. If they ask you what’s wrong, just be direct. Tell them why their behavior is negatively affecting you. Tell them why you want to change. Either they are going to change with you, or more likely, they are going to try to convince you not to change.

This is where you have to be strong with your boundaries. The behavior you’re trying to transcend is important to you for a reason. So stick to your decision. You don’t need people to like you. In fact, when everybody likes you, that’s an indication you are people pleasing. It means you’re not living in alignment with your own values.

Have you guys struggled with this too? What are your best tips for getting out of relationships that drag you down?

I appreciate your thoughts!