Dating is tricky most of the time.

A series of trial and error where you only get two real outcomes:

you find someone, and you both choose to stick together until one (or both of you) decides not to anymore

OR

you find someone and you both choose to stick together until one of you kicks the bucket.

Like I said, dating is tricky.

Most of us, when dating, tend to focus on the nuances of it. How we present ourselves, what we say and how we say it, our level of hot and cold, “playing the game” so to speak. We focus on these things because they’re things we can consciously control, but the two aspects of dating we don’t have much control over are arguably the most important.

Those two things are compatibility and chemistry.

Many of us tend to use these words interchangeably, like they’re the same thing. When really.. they’re not.

Compatibility relates to the long term potential for a relationship between two people. It depends on things like similar beliefs, lifestyle, and values. When it comes to compatibility, like attracts like. The more aligned your core values are with your potential partner, the more likely you are to succeed in any form of long term relationship you might pursue.

Unless, of course, you lack chemistry.

Chemistry is that thing that causes two people to feel all warm and fuzzy inside when it comes to one another. This is the kind of attraction that movies and TV shows tend to portray. It’s when all you think about is the other person, when all you want to do is talk with them or be with them. It’s that fierce, passionate, and uncontrollable type of love that makes us a slave to our emotions and we often can’t really explain why or how, there’s just something about the other person that makes us weak.

Compatibility and chemistry don’t always go hand in hand. You might be highly compatible with another person, but if they don’t do anything for you emotionally, well then, the relationship is most likely going to be boring and uneventful, regardless of your compatibility.

Chemistry without compatability on the other hand can be dangerous, and often is. It’s like a drug. You know it’s bad for you, you know you shouldn’t, but it feels so good that your rationality tends to go out the window and you keep up with it anyway. You often experience a rollercoaster of emotions, violently dropping you down into bitter sadness, frustration and hurt, before suddenly picking you up into euphoric happiness, fulfillment and bliss — only to drop back down shortly after. It’s a vicious cycle that’s much easier to get trapped into then it is to get out of, and it has the potential to destroy one or both people involved.

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You’ll rationalize away reasons that it’s okay, but you know you don’t really want it. You just can’t help yourself. But you’ll need to deal with the reality of it, sooner or later.

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Like most things in life, balance is key, especially when it comes to relationships.

If you find yourself attracted to somebody, whether it stems from compatibility, chemistry or (as it most often does) a mixture of both, give the relationship a chance. You never know what you might experience or learn by doing so.

That being said, it’s important that you learn to gauge if and when you should pull back, or end ties all together. Which is really something that can only come with a certain amount of experience, which you’ll have to choose to give yourself. Like it or not, you’ll probably experience some of your highest highs and lowest lows, but it’s important you find the value in both.