The Tedious Adventures of Estro-Jenny and Testos-Tyrone: Poetic expressions

The Tedious Adventures of Estro-Jenny and Testos-Tyrone

Isn't it funny how men and women can view the miracle of birth differently? Mothers like Estro-Jenny usually recognize it for the multi-faceted thing it is:

• a physical impossibility made possible only through a form of stretching not taught in yoga class
• a spiritual connection to another human being
• a reason to simultaneously love and hate the father on a cellular level
• a miracle of soul creation
• excruciating pain
• a terrifying portal to an 18-year responsibility
  
  

Fathers like Testos-Tyrone often compartmentalize the experience into “the kiddo's birthday” or that time you ate ice chips.

The birth of a child can elicit strong emotions, and it's useful here to pause and remember William Wordsworth, who wrote that all poetry originates in powerful emotion recollected in tranquility. This is what mothers are doing when they relive childbirth: they're doing poetry.

When fathers relive childbirth, there's often a focus on something gross, like what happens when you cut a still-pumping umbilical cord.

Or, there can be extreme “underwhelm,” which is what happened when the always entertaining @meesterboom was asked by his wife and her doula how the recent birth of his child had been for him. “Fine,” was his response, quickly clarified by: “it was a doddle.” For this, he was glared at, but was the glare justified?

Yes.

First of all, what is a doddle, even? If you're not British, you may not realize that a “doddle” is something of an easy task. And so, Estro-Jenny would refer you back to the first facet of multi-faceted childbirth: “a physical impossibility made possible only through a form of stretching not taught in yoga class.” So that's glare-worthy.

Second of all, the word “fine” is of the same caliber as a word Testos-Tyrone often uses when Estro-Jenny asks him if he likes something: “sure.” These are man words and should be eradicated from the English language. Also glare-worthy.

Third of all are the infinite number of missed opportunities members of the Testos clan lumber past on a daily basis. This man had just been teed up! He was given one of those boa-draped, glittery doors you need only walk through to earn points with the wife. Perhaps a reaction of amazement at what his wife's body had just produced? The staggering love he now felt for a human he doesn't even fully understand yet? The incomprehensible assistance his underpaid doula had provided his family?

Eventually, as his wife and her doula continued to stare at him, @meesterboom realized he needed to come up with something more than "fine" and "doddle":

I cried. A lot. I pushed my bottom lip out in the patented sad-face.

And there you have it. Fake emotion recollected under duress. It's a new poetic form of expression exclusive to fathers! We should check in with @oozincouth to see if this could exist as a subgenre under f-art poetry. 😉

[ Thanks to @meesterboom for sharing his story and being a good sport. His posts are always great for a laugh, and that's why we love him. ]