“Good with women”

For men, the desire to be “good with women” kinda betrays itself, because if you’re looking at someone like they are good with women and you want to know their secret, you’re looking in the wrong place. It’s not some romantic trick or tactic. It’s being naturally good with people, not good with women. Knowing how to talk to people, be interested, enthusiastic, and listen to every kind of person. To be comfortable in your own skin, playfully curious about the world and all the people in it with no goals about what you can get from anyone. You get to experience life and hear people’s stories and relate and watch people come alive when you take interest anyone’s experience - the key is to relax into life and be a part of all of it. Not try to participate for romance. Participate to love people, not to get things from people. To be interested with no attachment to where connection leads or what kind it is. Think of all the connection one can miss out on if you’re only looking for a specific kind.

You could try to keep some ideas in mind like not putting any pressure on someone if you want something romantic to happen as though it’s a “key” to romance, but you’d do that anyway if you’re treating them like people instead of targets. Cultivate genuine enthusiasm for people you have no romantic interest in: do whatever it takes to genuinely have no romantic interest or intent unless you’re sure it’s mutual. Better to wait until you light up naturally and simultaneously than to light up and try to convince someone to do the same. I’m not sure if we can cultivate our attraction style but if it’s possible, I’d hope that everyone could cultivate attraction around mutuality. That if you’re not getting some kind of feedback that someone is interested in you romantically, your interest would be platonic and it would be genuine because one sided things don’t feel right. Like how you can pass by the most beautiful flower and not want to pull it out of the ground, without resenting the flower for not wanting you rip it out of its place. Maybe just move a nearby branch out of the way so it has more sunlight and continue on your journey.

Life is better when we want to hear everyone’s stories; to be curious but not desire anything in particular. To begin with seriously, genuinely, absolutely, and fully not wanting anything from anyone. To see how people open up and give on their own terms when they are given the space and freedom for that to be anything they wish, or nothing at all.