Co-dependency Is Dangerous [Questions and Answers]
The Destructiveness of Co-dependency
(Chains can be broken using modern technological breaking tools. However no such tools exist for breaking emotional chains. You have been warned. Source.)
Essential questions for codependents, which might be of help if you pose them to yourself:
1. Why are you attracted to broken people?
2. Why do you feel as if you have to step in to solve someone's problems?
3. Why do you think it's even possible for you to solve someone else's problems?
4. If you had to choose between two types of women, would you choose one that's broken and with problems, or one that's a healthy, functional individual?
These are all extremely important questions, and they might help you determine and realize one thing or two about yourself.
1. Yeah, so why are you? Are they attractive? Well, there are attractive women who won't swallow your soul whole and leave you emotionally dead for years and years after your eventual and inevitable break-up. And what is so goddamned attractive about a broken woman that you just need to fuck her and be intimate with her for years? Is all that really necessary? If a relationships is based in co-dependency, you will break up, so why waste your time? Maybe you're attracted to break-ups?
2. Don't you have enough on your plate already? If you're attracted to a broken woman, then that's going to slurp you down a drain filled with a billion additional problems that will end up on your plate to solve, and you will be shamed if you choose not to help her with these things, because that's what these types of broken women do, because they're broken.
3. Have you ever read a success story about a couple in which the guy stepped in to "save" a broken girl and who actually succeeded? Come on. These people aren't together because they want to get better; they're together solely to feed their co-dependency and put the solving of their deep, emotional issues trauma on hold! That's what co-dependency is all about, and that's exactly why you trying to solve the problems of a boyfriend or girlfriend never works. I repeat: It NEVER works. Simply because the basis of the relationship is the complete opposite.
4. If you've exclusively been choosing type 1 throughout your life, then you've got a huge problem on your hands; you're literally destroying your life and all of your future chances for real connection, deep discussion and satisfying relationships.
/Helpful Eddie
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It's hard to avoid broken people. Sometimes, believing that someone could get better is all it takes to put back the broken pieces.
It's only hard if you're broken yourself, and instead of doing the much-needed self-work, you cultivate your emotional alignment by seeking them out even more.
The whole point is that you CANNOT fix broken people, because the whole reason why you're in a relationship with them is because both you and them are broken. Do you see what I mean? The reason why you're with them is because both you and him/her are using each other to feed the emotional addiction that you both suffer from. No emotionally healthy person in their right mind would ever start a relationship with a broken person, so you're with them because you are broken yourself. Your whole desire of wanting to help a broken person IS THE PROBLEM.
/Eddie
Wanting to help a broken person is a problem? I beg to disagree, sir. Helping them is perfectly fine. The problem is when YOU try to fix them. You shouldn't do all the work. The drive must come from them.
You seem to disregard the fact that what is being talked about here is getting involved with them romantically, intimately and inviting them into your life to stay, and then "helping them", which certainly does not work ever and is in and of itself a disorder, since what these people want is a state of perpetual misery with one another with the justification of "wanting to help" the other person, but which ultimately leads to just more misery.
Co-dependency, get it?
Relationships don't have a hard and fast rules. What applies to others may not necessarily apply to some. Not always. But i do get your point.
Co-dependency-based relationships aren't relationships, and the whole point is that you're NOT helping them, but simply feeding their emotionally destructive addictions. I'm not talking about healthy relationships. Did you miss the title of this post? This is co-dependency, which only serves as a destructive means of giving an addict more of the same drug that prevents them from solving the real issue, which will never be solved if people continue entering into romantic relationships with these people, because your emotional presence is their drug. That's the thing. "Helping" a person like that by giving them the drug is the opposite of helping them, which is why I posed the questions which gives people who feel like they need to help a set of ideas which might make them question their own desire of helping such unhealthy, codependent individuals, because if you try to "help" co-dependents by giving them a "relationship", which is exactly what they want so that they can feed off of your altruism, it always ends in disaster, 100% of the time.