You are viewing a single comment's thread from:
RE: Trust: The Foundation of All Relationships
Nice post. As a communication teacher I put a lot of emphasis on the role of reciprocity in relationships, especially in building new ones. Without trust, it is hard to be centered and relaxed enough to allow reciprocity to happen naturally. So I really found the section on how to recover when trust is broken to be particularly interesting. When we are hurt by someone else's trust breaking behavior, it can take a toll on our security and self-esteem, and make it harder to trust again. But we must. It is a paradox though isn't it?
Yeah, I was in a really toxic relationship where trust was a major issue. I expected to have issues with my next relationship because of it. Oddly though, when I found myself in one it was barely a problem. I think partially it was because the previous behavior was so egregious as to make it easy to compartmentalize, and partly because the person I met was literally perfect for me.
I think the lesson to take from that is not that you should trust less, but trust smarter. Give it freely, but also be quick to lose it when shown it's not deserved. Start small, but let it grow as you build the relationship.
Interestingly that reciprocal nature of trust, the easiest way to get trust is to give trust, is also a major tool in the conman's playbook. Often to get people to trust them they will initially seem vulnerable or share "personal" details. It can be a tough world out there sometimes, so no matter what happens have at least a few people we can give full trust to without concern is essential to our well-being.
Oddly enough, I am in the middle of completing some required training as a youth coach, and watching videos about how creeps groom their victims. Ugh. But I think this is exactly what you mean. The conman uses his knowledge of how relationships work to establish trust. Well, I am glad it worked out much better for you! As we mature and become smarter as result of experience, perhaps it simply becomes a more sophisticated trust. Thinking out loud now -- I really don't know about that. It seems like we really do just have to keep trusting, but maybe just have a keener sense of warning signs (?)
Yeah, it's hard to say whether you can change how you trust. Ultimately you have to take some level of risk otherwise you are missing out a lot of what life has to offer.