For me, these concepts are intimately intertwined. I have finally come to a place in my life that I feel like I have found love, happiness and freedom. I have not reached a final destination. I continue to be on a journey that is leading to more and more of these things. I envision a reality where these concepts dominate our existence and my life is dedicated towards bringing this about.

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Romantic Love

The word love is used in many different ways. I am going to talk mostly about romantic love and then a bit about voluntaryism and compassion. My experience with romantic love has been a challenging one. At 34 years old, I have finally come to a place that I am happy with myself and on top of that - I have a fulfilling romantic relationship. What is funny is that this only happened after I had pretty much given up on that happening. I wasn't sad about it anymore, I just realized that maybe I was never going to find romantic love, and that was ok.

I got to a point that I thought most people were fooling themselves, that people were just too scared to be alone, and settled for someone so they could have some company and intimacy even though they didn't really love each other. I still think this happens, but now I know what it is really like to be in a relationship, where each others happiness and freedom is encouraged and appreciated and the best is truly wanted for each other, whatever that may be.

I realize now that a big part of my struggle in the past was that my love was selfish. I was looking for someone else to make me happy. Sure I wanted to make them happy too, but the problem is that my happiness depended on them, so how could I really make them happy if my happiness depended on them? I don't think I really could have.

I knew that I wanted to find a loving romantic relationship, but after years of disappointment, I decided that I should focus on improving myself. Part of my thinking was about some of the beautiful people I had been in relationships with that I had ended up hurting when I did not meet their expectations. I decided that I would be more careful about getting into a relationship as to not ever hurt anyone again. It is such a horrible feeling to know that I have caused someone pain. I don't want to spread that around.

I sought spiritual guidance on my journey and came across some things that really helped me. I was interested in the buddhist thought that suffering comes from desire and to overcome suffering, one must overcome desire. I think there is definitely some truth to that but it might make more sense to say that selfish desire causes suffering. I also found wisdom in the great teacher Omraam Mikael Aivanhov. One thing in particular the he said really spoke to me and I basically took it as my own philosophy.

"If you are always expecting to be considered, understood, helped or loved, you will never be happy, for everyone has their own worries and problems. Someone may be with you one minute but busy elsewhere the next, and then you have to manage on your own. This is why I tell you not to count too much on other people, because you cannot be certain of their attention, friendship and love. One moment you will feel understood and supported, but what will happen the next? You should never expect anything from others, especially not their love. It may come, of course; it may even keep on coming. If it comes, it will be welcome, and you will thank heaven, but you shouldn’t expect it. Do you want to be happy? Do not ask to be loved; just love, day and night, and you will be happy all the time. One day a wonderful love affair may come out of the blue… Yes, why not? It can happen, but don’t expect it". – Omraam Mikhael Aivanhov

I came to a point of acceptance. I was really happy with myself. And although I was aware that I would enjoy a romantic relationship, I wasn't pining away for one. I came to a point that I really loved myself. I forgave myself for the pain I had caused in past relationships. Even though they had forgiven me long ago, my own guilt was so strong that it was really keeping me from finding happiness. I finally got to the point that I was truly happy and knew that I would be fine even if I died alone, and what do you think happened next? I found romantic love - deeply fulfilling romantic love that comes from two happy people that aren't dependent on each other for happiness but enjoy each other so much that they decide to continue to create more happiness together.

Voluntaryism

One of the main problems that I see with romantic relationships for many is that people start to get almost a sense of ownership over someone and don't allow the person to be who they want to be. I don't really understand why anyone would be so jealous and possessive. I only want to be with someone that wants to be with me. If we are not encouraging each other to follow our dreams and supporting each other on our journey than whats the point? Don't get me wrong, successful relationships do take work. You have to communicate openly and honestly and you have to make compromises and consider how your actions affect your partner, but its all a labor of love that you choose to do if you wish.

Before joining the steemit community, I don't think I had heard the word voluntaryism. Once I saw people talking about it and looked up the definition, I realized that I have a philosophy of voluntaryism. I believe this is the philosophy of the future. This is what can make anarchy a beautiful thing. When you have the freedom to do whatever you want and you choose to do things that help others as much or even more than they help yourself, that is beautiful.

Compassion

“Love means loving the unlovable – or it is no virtue at all.” - G. K. Chesterton

Another form of love is compassion. This is really the virtuous form of love that is done without selfishness. However, I believe that romantic love can be compassionate too. Even though the romance may bring you happiness, that was not your overriding goal for being in it. Sure, your happiness is important, but not more important than your partners happiness. You see this person and you love them and you want nothing more than for them to be successful and happy. That person sees you the same way and a relationship begins. You are not acting selfishly, but you are gaining the love and attention of someone and that adds to your happiness. This is not the same as loving the unlovable but it is still a virtuous love.

It's a funny story of when I first told my girlfriend that I loved her. It was very early on and I was a bit concerned that it would run her off, but I decided to throw caution to the wind, be myself, and express my inner feelings. this is how the conversation went down.

me: I love you.

her: You can't say that!

me: Yes, I can!

her: But you love everybody!

me: True, but it's different.

Haha, I love remembering that conversation. I had no expectation when I told her this. It did not bother me in the least, that she did not say it back. However it was only a few weeks later that she told me the she loved me too.