How do you maintain a good relationship?
Our greatest dream is to find a partner and to have a long and happy relationship with him.
The points that can go wrong on the way and five tips for improving marital communication
A relationship is a source of happiness and security, and on the other hand it can also be a source of pain, despair and frustration.
It can be said that almost every one of us imagines an ideal relationship full of romance, excitement and constant happiness.
For hundreds of years, while different cultures have undergone major changes, fashions and trends have come and gone, one dream has remained constant and common to most of us - finding a partner for life and maintaining a meaningful relationship.
Relationships are based on three main elements: partnership, passion and security.
Partnership is built on the feeling and belief that our partner will be a full partner in life, for establishing a family and standing firmly against the decrees of life.
Desire includes attraction, sexuality, glorification and idealization of the partner.
Security is actually the opposite of loneliness, a sense of home, that we are not alone in the world.
Security will take place when the partner feels that he has a back and support along the way, who has someone to trust that will be there for him even in the difficult moments.
And when one of these three factors is undermined, problems arise.
Shattered Dream
Couplehood is a kind of independent entity whose characteristics are determined by the complexity of the couple's characteristics and behavior patterns.
Each partner brings with him different qualities and desires, and the wisdom is to reach the delicate balance in which both partners can feel that their desires are expressed in connection.
In a long relationship, often the couple's expectations of life change.
There are fears, misunderstandings and difficulties permeating this place.
The shattering of the dream as we drew it in us can be expressed in a sense of remorse for the choice of the partner, a sense of missed opportunity or a belief that love is a product that comes with validity.
Crises can be seen against one or more of the main elements of a relationship:
A partnership crisis may occur when a person feels a particular event, crisis or a junction in the life in which he needed the partner most of all, he was not there for him.
A crisis of desire can attract a "solution" of betrayal. In this case, correct couple therapy and the motivation of both partners can create a situation in which their relationship at the end of the treatment will also be upgraded.
Crisis in security is perhaps the most common.
The security of a relationship is based on an optimal formula that maintains closeness and distance between the couple, in a manner acceptable to both spouses.
Proximity is the time the couple chooses to spend together, and distance is the ability of both spouses to enjoy and enjoy each other separately.
Confidence may be impaired when our expectations for the relationship are different, for example when one spouse is more dependent and needs closeness while the other partner needs more space.
Tips for maintaining and rehabilitating couples often help those couples who are in relatively good shape, who have experienced a specific crisis, and have a common desire to continue living together despite the difficulty.
There are more and more cases where the couple decide to dismantle the package, claiming that "my spouse does not understand me," "he will never change" or other claims are different and strange.
It is important to understand that in times of crisis, contact exchange is not necessarily a solution to the problem.
When we feel hurt by our partner, we have a natural tendency to throw the blame on the partner.
Of course this is partial and not objective evidence of reality.
We all have blind spots and we should learn about them.
For example, if a person tends to be angry or muted when criticized by a partner, it is likely that this behavior will accompany him in every marital relationship.
Therefore, a solution to problems in the relationship is not necessarily a change in the behavior of the partner, but first and foremost it is a process of looking inward and understanding where I as a partner can change and improve the relationship.
Still, some small tips that can make a significant change in marital communication:
- Criticism is legitimate and possible, but the way things are expressed is no less important.
When you say something good about the relationship and continue the sentence with "but," you eliminate the good part you started with.
Do not associate the good and the bad, appreciate the good things in a relationship.
Things that should be improved were treated separately. - Do not talk to your partner in terms of guilt but of responsibility.
Instead of saying, "It's your fault that you forgot to take the child out of kindergarten," you can say, "It's also your responsibility to remember to take the child out of kindergarten." - Sometimes we are raised and educated according to reality and certain axioms.
For example, a man who truly believes that housework is for women, usually because this is the reality to which he grew up.
When there is disagreement in seeing things, try to reexamine the different beliefs and values you hold. - Pay attention to your conversation with your partner.
Examine yourself - how much do you please your partner?
How much do you judge and criticize him?
Criticism and arrogance cause distance between the couple.
Try to find the right time to talk to your partner about something that bothers you.
Even if you have criticism, start with how it bothers you and not "what it means to your partner" (you are lazy, liar, etc.). - Do not make generalizations.
Do not say - you're always late, you're never there.
Speak in a specific way on a topic that bothers you and put your finger on it.
This will prevent you from harming your partner, and you can direct your efforts to improve the issue that bothers you.
