What to do when you find out your partner is cheating

Discovering that your partner has had an affair can be a life-changing and emotionally devastating experience for you and your family. After all, it's a betrayal of trust that can lead to a slew of other worries about your family, future, and health.

• Take a breath and allow yourself to cry

People rarely give themselves the time and space to simply be in their feelings and feel them. So scream into a pillow rather than at your lover if you need to shout. Allow yourself to cry, even if it's an ugly cry, if you need to.

• Get tested

If you and your spouse had been together for a long time and were fluidly attached (or no longer using barrier method contraception), as is commonly the case with long-term monogamous couples or those who were open to have children, you should check in on your health. Make an appointment with your doctor to be tested for STIs; it's always better to be safe than sorry.

• Understand it’s not your fault

It was their decision to cheat when they did, and you cannot blame yourself for it. Whatever the circumstances, your partner made a commitment to you, and you can't blame them for it.

• Give yourself at least 24hours before you make any decisions

No major decisions should be made right away, thus Grant recommends giving yourself at least 24 hours to make any major judgments. "When we learn that a partner is cheating on us, we may feel compelled to immediately remedy the situation or make major decisions based on the discovery of the sexual infidelity. Rather than reacting, be deliberate and analytical.

• Re-evaluate the relationship

Take a step back and consider whether your partner's adultery is something you can forgive. If it's something you can forgive them for, you'll need to have a discussion about how to proceed in the best possible way. If not, you'll have to make the best decision you can.

• Don't retaliate or act vengefully against your partner.

You're in a lot of agony right now, and you want your spouse to be in the same boat as you, but don't make things worse. You don't want to do something you can't undo, and you won't feel any better "getting back" at them at the end of the day.

• Don’t forget to take care of yourself

These feelings can be overwhelming at times, and people may find themselves not eating or bingeing on harmful foods. "It's critical to try and take care of yourself physically when you're going through something so emotional because it will only help you digest all of the feelings."

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