FIVE (5) SIMPLE STEPS FOR YOU NOT TO SET YOURSELF UP FOR DISAPPOINTMENT BY EXPECTING EVERYTHING TO BE PERFECT

Love is sweet and painful as many of us have long to receive and give in our best even though the pain associated with the intimate relationship we found ourselves. The pain associated with love brings heartache because most people go into a relationship by expecting everything to be perfect thereby setting themselves up for disappointment when things turn the other way round. 

Often times, we get so dependent on love and the dreams that come with it. We most time dreamt of making a happy home with the ones we love. We dreamt of having their babies, we dreamt of taking them to the altar. There is a perfect dream that comes with love which only seems to be an illusion in most cases. These dreams makes you belief your life and happiness depend on the one you love thereby setting yourself up for disappointment and heartbreak. 

 Love and it dreams makes it difficult for one to set boundaries because of the people involve. They step into our way and overthrow everything we had so carefully planned. They catch us off-guard in our most vulnerable moments and just make it impossible for us to live the balanced life that we all so much desire. Life would just be so much easier without them. 

While most of us have moments of loving sincerely, freely and openly, it is often hard to sustain such love where it matters most—in our intimate relationships. This creates a strange gap between the perfect love we can know in our heart and the imperfect ways it is embodied in our relationships. We need ask ourselves some certain questions such as why, are human relationships so challenging and difficult, if love is so great and powerful? If love is the source of happiness and joy, why is it so hard to open to it fully?  

One thing we need to know is that what lies at the root of every relationship problem is a core “wound of the heart” that affects not only our personal relations, but the quality of life in our world as a whole. When our heart is being broken by the one we love, this wounding show up as a pervasive mood of unloves, a deep sense that we are not intrinsically lovable just as we are. We experience ourselves as separated from love, and this shuts down our capacity to trust. So even though we may hunger for love or believe in love, we still have difficulty opening to it and letting it circulate freely through us. 

Relationship and the disappointment that comes with it don’t occur immediately, but by following the five steps listed below, you will have inner peace of mind and feel less heartbroken even though you are being cheated in your relationship with your partner. 

1. Change may occur: We should know that human being is bound to change. The love may not be there anymore as it used to be in the first three month of the relationship. There is always going to be lack of commitment, care, love and respect, etc. cheating may also occur. Something can actually trigger this change because people have their own emotions, behaviors, actions, beliefs, scars, wounds, fears, dreams, and perspectives. They are their own person. Often time we wanted a relationship to be something it was not. We expected so much from this person and they fail us each time and every time simply because they are not the kind of person we use to know and we sometime said certain words in order to spark a specific reaction from him/her. In healthy relationships there are certain expectations, like being treated well or being respected. Yet sometimes we find ourselves in relationships that don’t mirror what we anticipate to happen. We may feel hurt, disappointed or used. We cannot expect other people to treat us as we would treat them. We cannot assume anything or force change upon someone who clearly demonstrates he or she is stuck in his or her own way. We should be ready to safe ourselves from future heartbreak and disappointment. 

2. Change your perception about the relationship: This is where most people get things wrong when they embark on a relationship. We always think that he or she may change by giving him or her time. Sometime we think we can’t do or go further without them. With this kind of notion, we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment and heartbreak. You should acknowledge the other person’s behaviors. Look at patterns “signs” and how they regularly treat you. Remember the feelings you had in the past. Don’t be fooled into believing things are different from how they are. If no commitment on the other person side, you just have to let go in order to save yourself from heartbreak and disappointment. 

3. Stop manipulating situation: Many times we are eager to hear specific response from the one we love and this make us to behave in some certain manners like feeling depress and dejected because the person does not care neither does he/she show interest in the relationship anymore. This type of behavior leaves us feeling empty when the other person does not react the way we hope they would. Remember, you cannot change anyone; it is up to them to change. 

4. Move on: Life is too short to live with regret and time wasted with the wrong person. One thing we need to know is that relationship is not a mechanic workshop where they repair faulty part.  You should know that your happiness and life does not depend on him or her. Let go of the wishes you have always dreamt off. Throw expectations and assumptions out the door. Release the hopes, wishes, and dreams that things will change by detaching from the ideas. Get out of the fantasy world by not hooking into the thoughts of what could be. Keep your mind from running into the future. Remain open to all possibilities by staying in the present moment. Focus on people who make you feel loved, connected, cared for, and worthy. Reach out to them and reconnect. 

5. Always learn to love yourself first: Loving yourself should be your number one priority before loving others in order not to set yourself up for disappointment. You should learn to love yourself no matter how you feel for the other person. Channel all your emotion to yourself. Tell yourself before he or she came into your life you were better off without them and why should you think he or she hold the key to your happiness and your dreams. Always encourage yourself that no matter the difficulty you may encounter, you will come out victorious. Remind yourself of the things “dreams” you like to achieve in life and work towards it with all your heart.