The Listening Thing...
Our ability to listen entails more than having ears to hear. It has to do with one's involvement in the conversation with full attention. When listening, we ought not to just pay attention to the words being said but also the feelings attached to what the speaker is saying.
There are so many times that people might have approached us with so many thoughts and feelings bottled up inside of them, but well, because of us maybe taking things (a little bit for granted?) ended up letting them go with all the thoughts, pains and feelings they thought they could share with us which might have made them feel better.
I will love to consider myself a good listener, but I know that there are many times that I have messed up, but I also believe that we are all good listeners deep down inside of us, we just need to channel our attention and also be mindful when the need to listen arise (well, it always does).
You will want to keep this in mind when next you have to do some "listening" to someone that is hurting or anyone else that needs you to listen
1. Let the Person Speak at His/Her Pace
There are probably too many feelings bottled up that needs to be shared, the might talk too fast or too slow, whichever one the person choose or is comfortable with, just let him/her feel comfortable enough to speak at his own pace, that way the person might be open enough to share all that needs to be shared.
2. Keep the Gadgets Away
I know, everyone loves his/her gadgets, but that person probably needs your attention more than your gadget. At this point, you ought to keep any form of distraction away, don't look at your wrist-watch, the window or any other thing that might distract you, you should be fully involved.
3. Don't Give Unsolicited Advice
You are supposed to listen, it is not the time for giving advice, most times these people might have given themselves enough or have heard enough of these advice. I know it is tempting but don't give the advice unless you are asked. JUST LISTEN.
4. Have an Open Heart
Don't assume what the conversation is all about, be open enough to hear the person out. The issue might be an outrageous one or something you never really expected, but whatever it may be, be sure to have an open heart, enough to accept what the person is saying. Having an open heart will help you not to be judgmental about whatever the person is saying, that way you will keep the "unsolicited advice" at bay and the speaker will feel much more comfortable.
5. Follow the Conversation
Let the person sharing their feeling with you know that you are following the conversation. Don't just sit there looking at them while they keep speaking alone, you can ask questions like "how do you feel" etc., add words like "Okay, Uhmm, Mhhm" (are they words?) or repeat a sentence maybe, it gives the person affirmation that you are really listening.
6. Feel Free to Hug
Make the person feel him/her have a shoulder to lean on by hugging him/her. It might not seem like anything, but the person will definitely feel cared for and loved.
You might not be able to solve the person's problem after all the "listening" but the person will definitely leave feeling like a huge burden has been lifted off his/her shoulder, and what's more? He/she will trust you more.