5 Signs You're in a Codepedent Relationship
1. You can't get enough of each other's crap
Obviously there is some fun to be had with the crap part, but you realize very quickly that you don't want to be the "dick to the other's face" type.
You both need to be open with each other about your feelings, and the way that you deal with that stuff is critical. A codependent partner will distance themselves, deny it, or just rage.
The codependent will get more and more upset that the other person isn't supporting them more emotionally. And this makes the other person feel less loved and of value.
You need to grow up and support each other in this way. That is what love is about. It's about being real with each other, supporting each other, and supporting each other through the tough times.
2. You always have each other's back
Are you always trying to clean up after each other? Or are you at least trying to help out the other when the other person has a meltdown?
Most people cannot stand to watch someone else have a meltdown. And yet, when a codependent partner is having a meltdown, they have an instinct to step in, and make sure their partner feels ok.
There is a sense that they will "glue" the partner back together if they cry enough. I have seen this personally – it's not fair to the other person to comfort them when they are not even able to give comfort back.
When you are together for more than a short period of time, the person you call your best friend (or lover!) is typically your partner. And if you can't handle it, and need to distance yourself, then it will have to be short lived.
3. You get annoyed when they aren't a team player
The codependent partner expects their partner to immediately jump into their "pack mentality." And they cannot stand to be an outlier – to be seen as an individual with a different set of skills.
But this isn't possible. We all have our own talents, strengths, and ideas. It's not fair to expect someone to be exactly like you. It makes for a really challenging relationship.
Partners who are codependent tend to expect that their partner is always going to be on the same wavelength. And if they are not, that person is going to take on a lot of extra baggage, and this will make them crazy.
It's important to remember that a healthy partnership comes from two different individuals being able to make their own decisions and have their own thoughts.
It does not depend on everyone being the same person. And that's why the third step is so important.
4. You don't feel secure in your relationship
The codependent partner needs to feel like their partner can stand up to them. They also need to feel like their partner can live without them.
A codependent partner often seeks attention and reassurance from their partner in whatever ways they are able to get it.
This can mean constantly telling your partner how great they are, offering endless compliments, making sure they know how much you love them, or otherwise taking them for granted. This can be incredibly harmful to a relationship, and is the root of the following sign.
5. You don't have a deep-seated sense of worth
Some of the most damaging things about codependency can be found in a person's core self-esteem.
The person who loves you does not want to make you feel bad about yourself. They would never make you feel ugly, worthless, unloved, or disrespected. And yet, some of the signs of codependency involve a person being more concerned about making their partner feel good, rather than themselves.
And, in this case, codependency becomes the only way the person knows how to express their feelings and make themselves feel good. The resulting toxic behavior can be incredibly unhealthy.
Another classic codependent sign is excessive dependency on their partner for their self-esteem.
They have zero self-esteem, and are constantly seeking validation from their partner.
This has the effect of making the other person dependent on the codependent, as well. The other person begins to feel guilty for rejecting the codependent, as they are not being fair to their partner.