Attack of the Walking Dead killer zombie raisins - averted

in rant •  last year

Imagine my relief when I realised that some brave marketeer had managed to keep an army of devious raisins from infesting an innocent package of muesli. Maybe even a whole batch. It's as if someone figured out how to stop the Walking Dead in the nick of time, just before those zombies took over the world (I never made it to the end of the series - I assume they didn't...please say they didn't...?).

So anyway, raisin-free muesli.

Raisin free muesli

Seen on the shelf in the local grocery store

I could accept this, but I'm just not in the mood

I mean, for crying out loud, they didn't have to take any raisins out in the first place. It's not like muesli grows in muesli fields right alongside raisin plants and the muesli and raisins get harvested together and you need a special process to separate the darned things.

Seriously, muesli is assembled in factories. In South Africa, as in most countries in this advanced world of ours, manufacturers are obliged to list the ingredients in said muesli on the packaging they put the product into in those factories. Raisins, by any measure, are ingredients. If you can read that this product is raisin-free on the front of the package, surely you can read in the admittedly smaller print on the back (apologies, dear reader, I didn't photograph that - you'll just have to trust me) that there are no dastardly dried grapes lurking in the bag.

Bonus peephole

And there's a bonus with this bag - not only is there a photo of the product, which shows that if there are raisins Present Without Leave in this muesli, they're camouflaged awfully well. To cap it all off, there's even a see-through bit in the bag which allows the Doubting Thomasest of shoppers to validate the bold claims of freedom from raisin tyranny.

What kind of lives have those poor marketeers led? Do they trust nobody?

Know when to stop

I kinda get that they had to say "no sugar added" and "wheat free" - I guess. And once they got past (or so I thought) what wasn't in the bag, the manufacturer at least took some time to say what it is - a "wholesome blend of oats and nuts for a high-protein, high-fiber meal" - okay, I'll bite, sounds pretty good.

But no, they had to keep marketing. Back to what's not there.

In subtraction to sugar and wheat, this muesli has, and I quote, no artificial flavours, colourants, salt or oil added. And - here's the kicker - it's "not a low calorie food".

For the love of paleo, anyone could figure any of this out by reading the nutritional information on the back!

So this got me thinking about other products marketeers could help with

How about gluten-free carrots?

Sugar-free milk?

Fat-free water?

Peanut-free peaches? (After all, let's be alert to allergies)

Mercury-free apples? (That one's just for the anti-vaxxers out there - you're welcome)

Cyanide-free almonds? (Oh, wait....)

Why stop there?

Broccoli-free cheddar? (Careful - I really like broccoli)

How about hair-free bread?

Ground glass-free tzatziki?

I could go on and on here...

...but this Steemit community is so clever and gifted that I'd love to hear from you about your own version of raisin-free muesli. And what's so bad about raisins, anyway? I loiks 'em.

Authors get paid when people like you upvote their post.
If you enjoyed what you read here, create your account today and start earning FREE STEEM!
Sort Order:  

Love it! I can imagine how the conversation went:

"But boss, customers expect raisins in muesli."
"No they don't. Name one."
"Ah, my mum. She loves raisins in muesli."
"Gah, Are you trying to make my point for me? Noone of any merit likes raisins. Full stop."
"Oh. Okay. Then while we're at it, why don't we just not put any fruit at all in it?"
Take all the fruit out of muesli? Remind me why I hired you again? If we did that it would hardly be muesli any more, would it?"
"S'pose not. But I guess we could call it something else. Like-"
"Oats and nuts?"
"Yes!"
"Dougal, you are a complete idiot. Put a window in the bag and tell the punters we took the raisins out. They'll lap that up."
Nods dejectedly.

·

😂😂😂😂 You're a wizard with dialogue!

Soil-free crockery?
Elephant-free house to let?
Blood-free ear buds?
Mice-free mouse pad?

·

Mice poop-free mouse pad?😱 😜

Oh TFAY... Only you could come up with what I would call a "Seinfeld" Post! You know... about nothing but something? ;-)

And, seeings as I am the type (yes, I put that "s" in there a-purpose) I just had to look it up.

Can it qualify as muesli if it doesn't have some kind of fruit in it?

mues·li
ˈmyo͞ozlē,ˈmyo͞oslē/
noun
noun: muesli; plural noun: mueslis

a mixture of cereals (especially rolled oats), dried fruit, and nuts, typically eaten with milk at breakfast.

Origin
Swiss German.
Translate muesli to
Use over time for: muesli

·

Aha! TFAY gets to the heart of it - it ain't muesli if it don't have fruit in it. The kicker! 😂😂 And you're right, I guess I was in "Seinfeld" mode, just hadn't thought of it that way. It was a lot of fun to write. I was really looking forward to seeing what other Steemians would come up with in terms of vital product qualifiers (such as "fat free" water), but hey, you can't push a conversation....

·
·

I know what you mean. I hit "post" and then realised I had not played along. My bad... I was so into the "hey, wait a minute... doesn't muesli always have fruit?"
How about... meat-free beef? Wait... don't they already use that in veggie burgers? Hmmm... now I am going to have to think some more...

·
·
·

Oh, that's a good one!

I just love your comedy, what a talent to make a post about muesli interesting. Keep it coming!

·

How could I not love such an encouraging comment?!? Thank you so much. It's fun shining a light on the weird and the silly, and even more fun when someone laughs along.

Why would someone not put raisins in muesli?!?!?!?! It's the best part!

·

I am totally with you, @datboithe1. Heresy.

·
·

When you realize that your comment has a potential profit higher than 99% of your posts

·
·
·

😎🤣😂🤔😏😫🙃😕😳😵😱😰

·
·
·

Guessing that's the range of emotions

·
·
·
·

When you realize that your comments usually make more SBD than 75% of your posts

In america theres an allowable limit of roaches in your chocolate bar. I would pay more for a guanranteed chocolate free roach bar.

·

Too funny!

I do not know if I am suppose to but this really made me laugh - good job. Resteeming

·

I'm so glad it made you laugh, @anneke - after yesterday's serious post, I thought a little silliness would be a good balance.

And if you'd seen me in the shop, you would have thought I'd been caught by a huge elastic band - doinnnnngggg - that pulled me right back to the muesli section from the safety of the Corn Flakes. Same thing with this post. It just insisted on being written - doinnnnngggg - once yesterday's "deep thought" stuff was out of the way.

·
·

It is amazing how things can entertain us and I believe if you can't be entertained by small things in life, you are loosing grip - I also have a few thing concerning food that makes me real happy

·
·
·

Exactly. If we take ourselves too seriously, well...boring! 😊

·
·
·

And it sounds like you have a post brewing about food and food things that make you happy...just saying I'd love to read it 😊

·
·
·
·

I can never say what I am going to write , ussually something just jumps in my head, but I know it will not be something very intelectual or as great as your post from yesterday. I wish I knew a lot about the economy or steemit or could write like that - I struggle to be very serious. So one day when you are a whale....remember me. I enjoy your posts

·
·
·
·
·

Dear Anneke, I am happy and humbled you enjoy my posts. And about your posts - if I've learned one tiny thing in life, and keep learning it over and over again, it's that everyone has a point of view which matters. Everyone. So if something pops into your head to write about, let it out and Steemians will be there to support you. It doesn't have to be deep or intellectual or about the economy or (eyeroll) about Bitcoin. Just be yourself here...Steemit is the first
place I've found where I can be myself 😊 😘

·
·
·
·
·
·

Thanks I agree totally - I have never thought of myself as a writer, but I really enjoy Steemit and the great people

·
·
·
·
·
·
·

😘😘😘

·
·
·
·
·
·

What's the deal about raisins? I like raisins in just about everything. Including opossum stew! 🐓🐓

·
·
·
·
·
·
·

Zackly!!

Seems like they are pretty proud of the fact it has no raisins in as 'RAISIN FREE' is the largest, boldest text haha

I don't mind raisins but in things like muesli I'd prefer it without it so this seems like sometimes I'd end up buying for my breakfast.

I guess to the average consumer we have to look out for "not a low calorie food". I don't see them much on packaging and I'm just outraged! haha

It is ridiculous what extent some manufacturers go to, to produce an 'eye catching' line to persuade the consumer to buy the product.

·

I thought so too! I'd be prouder of what's in my food, not what's not in it. 😜 Thanks for stopping by, @arckrai 😊

Raisins!!! that's the best part in muesli!!!
How could they...?!

·

I know! Inexplicable, isn't it, pandering to raisin-haters?

This cracked me up :)

·

Glad to be of service, @krazykrista >curtsies<

If they're worried those raisins are clever enough to get into the bag unnoticed, surely they're clever enough to avoid the raisin observation window.

·

Oooh, good point, @maxbullion 😎

I am the Walking Dead killer zombie. Sorry.

·

Raisin the dead? Oh, I've been waiting to say that....😂

·
·

Very funny :))

·
·
·

Thanks, @amedeo 😊

good thing.. good job..

A cheese free pizza would top that huh?

·

Hmmm...not sure how the marketing guys would pitch that 😜

OMG ! your actually crazy !!!! (Like a Fox)
ROTFLMAO !!! I am laughing so hard atm, tears I tell ya, TEARS !!!! been up all night and soo tired, now you have me laughing soo hard, omg that was a GREAT post Hon !!!

I'm starting to believe that you are like ... the 3rd coolest women I have ever met ! Before I read this post you were in the top 10, but this just blew me away !
I read in another post that someone said you were like a steemit Rockstar, I'm starting to believe that !!!! I AM amazed at how many post I have read that you are in the comments, damn you get around !, Very COOL !!

Hope to chat soon Hon ! /hugs /wink wink, nudge nudge

Read More, Reason More ... JTS

·

Hey, when stupidity inspires you, what can you do? Just gotta call it out. Glad you enjoyed it. It even made me laugh to write it. 😊😊

·
·

You have such a wonderful sense of humor, OR maybe were both just twisted !, lol
Have WONDERFUL evening !

·
·
·

Thanks JT, let's go with we both have a wonderful sense of humour and anyone who doesn't get it is twisted 😜

Walking dead raisins

·

They walk among us

Hey Kiligirl, just checking in with you. Bet you are working on your new venture. More "power" to ya! Haha! See you soon! 🐓🐓

·

Hey, Ellie Mae, so nice to hear from you! You've got it right - been meeting with the partners all day! Luckily I have a post partly developed from my flight down to Cape Town which I should be able to finish and put up tomorrow - it's about safety pins and innovation. I hope you like it. I'm also looking forward to catching up with your stories tomorrow morning 😊😊

·
·

Sounds like you are on a roll. Will check for your post later on. 🐓🐓EM

·
·
·

Thanks! Just have a bit more research to do. Need to read me some Ellie Mae today 😊😊

·
·
·
·

We always like having you come by for a visit. I will put on the pot for some coffee! 🐓🐓

Its kiligirl agn
Kudos
Impressive post

·

Thanks, @pobi 😊