Panic Attacks and Trauma in Junior High

in rant •  2 months ago 

Time for another set of traumatic High School moments because why not? I have to let it out somehow. This time we are traveling back to Winter 2009.

I bet you are wondering what happened during that time. Since this was Level 11 or Third Year High School we are talking about, it may have been the year I won my first Crazy Day outfit award coming in third place. However, the shit hit the fan during one particular parent-teacher conference when some jackass spread something about me obtaining a failing grade in something.

At first, it was nothing more than a joke. Then, Obnoxia said I had an NR, my old school's equivalent to an F aka a failing grade, in fencing because my technique was too "hardcore". This caused me to be in a major panic attack and find myself in a lot of anguish, depression, and frustration. What was worse about this moment was I could not tell my third-year high teacher about it, as my batch-mates and I also had a "conference" session on the topmost floor where he was very frustrated and I was not one to let the flames fume once more. Secondly, this also took place during our preliminary Literary Musical Week rehearsals. Clearly, the person who spread that piece of shit that I had a failing grade in something showed that he or she had blatant disregard for how others feel and was probably a big psychopath who tried to get my goat.

Sure, it turned out from my father who went to the parent-teacher conference that I did not get a failing grade but I did end up barely passing Math Concepts. He took what I went through rather lightly and jokingly not even understanding the pain and anxiety that happened. It also did not help matters that he acted like a big man-child of a whiny crybaby begging my mom that I should spend time with him in the beach house every weekend. Truly, he did not understand the concept of sacrificing one's self to achieve higher goals and ambitions, especially considering that I was only rewarded an academic award of 90.04% only one solitary time and my third quarter should have been my moment of ascension.

After that whole mess, there was the Business Trade Fair egress where it was first time being involved on there. To add fuel to the flame, my half-sister/cousin wanted to come along with me. However, as we arrived to the mall, she was hiding behind me probably being sneaky and snake-like as always.

So, there I was being part of the egress team taking out what needed to be taken out from our booth and a classmate of mine, who is also my cousin, said that she was going to go somewhere with my half-sister/cousin. I did not know which restaurant because it was my first time being in egress and I could not mess it up.

After that, I tried calling her for many times until my colleague/cousin called me and said I left her, when my mom said that my half-sister could stay with my colleague. In storms, she came in rushing and wailing that I left her. She even had the nerve to tell my business studies teacher about it probably to put the blame on me.

Finally, the icing on the cake, I did not even want to accompany my half-sister but she told me she was scared. So, I did, and by surprise, the maids called me to get out of the car, as we arrived in the beach house. My half-sister gave me a look that said now you are gonna get it from Mom. I went out of the car and wanted to go back home to finish my homework but my mom said that I was coming to dinner with her, my sister, my brother, and my dad.

Boy, what a coward my snake of a half-sister truly was. To this day, I can never forgive her for pulling off that stunt or even snitching to my mom and one of my aunts that I talk to myself and think that she can use me as her personal bodyguard or something like that. I do not ever want to see her ever again. The thought still remains of how she played me for a fool, how she relayed all the shit my former batchmates and schoolmates have said behind my back, and I can never forgive her for the awful things she did to me. All because she wanted my approval.

It really goes to show you the Hell I had to go through with my goals and how much I would have loved to obtain a lot more if that whole fiasco with that jackass spreading something around about me getting a failing grade, my dad acting like a big crybaby, and my half-sister acting like a conniving snake did not happen. I still have those painful memories in my mind and they have permeated something within me to push myself to get greater grades in not only my A-Levels school but eventually my university.

It is absolutely detestable to spread something that can give someone who cares deeply about his grades a panic attack! It is absolutely senseless to act in a puerile manner when it comes to realizing that your son has his own goals and dreams and you think you could keep him as your own teddy bear! And it is deplorable to use me to think that getting me in trouble would mean more time spent with you when you should have stood up for your fears, face the music, and not be the pathetic sniveling coward you are, o foolish half-sister!

Mind you, all of these happened barely ten years ago. Then again, they serve as strong reminders that one cannot revel in mediocrity alone and that sometimes pressure, solitude, and drive are necessary things to attain the bigger prize.

As for that psycho who caused me to have a panic attack over a failing grade, I have this to say. Go screw yourself to the moon and back and go book yourself an appointment with the Devil himself to take you straight to Hell!

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