Do I have to write a book?

What's a guy gotta do to get some comments around here?
Pick a fight with a "whale"?
Write about the latest conspiracy?
Write a 10 page novel where you forget what you're reading by the time you're done?

I know my thoughts are random and far from the most thoughtful posts on the platform but engagement around here is W.E.A.K. even on the most viewed posts. Why is this?