Throbbing, Heartbeat and Lightning

I feel too much but You won't listen.

There are so much chaos inside me that must be kept hidden and locked.

But just like how the night calms the waves in the ocean, you calmed me and taught me to let go of my fears and to just let it drift away.
Then afterwards I followed the throbbing, the heartbeat and the lightning just like what you always told me, hoping to see things differently.

In this new place, I cultivated love by being vulnerable,
I cultivated trust by being loyal and true,
I cultivated friendship by being empathetic and compassionate.
But crazy as the world can get, You betrayed me.
As I nurture and grow, You betrayed me with your damaged and poisonous roots by silently abusing my roots—my own core.
I can't tell no one and no one will know.
You ruined nothing that the eyes can see, but from the inside I'm struggling—I can't breathe.
You're a living torment for my whole being. You're a person who cared nothing of my suffering.

But you know what’s more cruel? it felt like the mistake was mine all along, just because I trusted you.

Never again will I follow the throbbing...
the heartbeat...
and the lightning.
Never.

source

“I think there are two different oceans - the one that plays with you in the summer, and the one that gets so mad in the winter.”― Jodi Picoult

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