*title taken from The Script's Rain

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Charlocked VS. Rain

Last night, the rain poured so hard over the city, leaving several roads flooded, a bunch of trees down, and commuters stranded.

The rain made it impossible for people to walk outside without being drenched, so naturally you either charge towards the rain armed with your umbrella, or just wait it out and hope that the rain decides to ease up.

I was one of those who had to wait it out. However, what is embarrassing is that I intentionally left my umbrella at home that morning. My 6am self was probably laughing at me last night as I think about how I was going to go home without an umbrella. I wanted to go home already, so, eventually, I finally admitted that best course of action would be to ask to share an umbrella with a colleague. Fortunately, she (Colleague A) obliged. One problem, though, was that my colleague's umbrella was not large enough for the both of us. But because we were itching to go home already, and my colleague was kind enough to sacrifice a bit so we both could fit, we decided to have a go at it. Eventually, we found ourselves venturing into the city, armed only with a tiny umbrella, in the hope of being able to go home in one (slightly-dry) piece.

Naturally, I insisted to hold the umbrella for the both of us. It was the least I could do, of course. But, even when we were just a few minutes out of our office, we already saw that what we were doing wasn't working out. We won't last under that tiny umbrella.

It got interesting, because after some time, one of my (guy) colleagues (Colleague B) emerged from out of nowhere. He tried to scare us, but I was more angry than scared, especially because he had the nerve to scare us while Colleague A and I were trying to figure out how to survive.

But seeing that Colleague B's umbrella was significantly larger than the umbrella we were using, I suggested that Colleague A and I use Colleague B's umbrella. I don't know what happened in between, because I ended up sharing the umbrella with Colleague B (who is, again, a guy).

Colleague B: I'll hold this. This is my umbrella.
Me: No, I'll hold it. It's the least I could do.
Colleague B: You don't know how to hold it properly. Let me!
Me: Just let me do it!

Colleague B gave up, eventually. After our exchanges, I got to hold the umbrella.

Our squabble ended. But my mind was going haywire.

That slight touch when Colleague B and I were in the middle of our squabble was probably nothing for Colleague B. But to me, it was painful. It was as if an electric current zapped me and brought back all the memories that I've tried to bury so deep. I couldn't still my mind.

That time, 4 years ago, when you and I went on a hot chocolate date one rainy night.

That same time, 4 years go, when you brought me your hoodie because I was sick but didn't want to miss our date.

That exact, same time, 4 years ago, when we were bickering about who gets to hold the umbrella as we try to survive under the pouring rain. And because we couldn't arrive at a compromise, we decided that we can both have dibs to hold the umbrella. We simply agreed to hold it at the same time.

Problem solved. Bickering stopped. I may have felt good that I fought for my umbrella-holding rights. But, God knows that there really was another reason why I was feeling so good that time. The real reason why my hands couldn't (and wouldn't) let go.

The real reason was that I was enjoying every second holding your hand. I relished the warmth that your hand had provided, because the cold rainy night froze my hand. I was impressed with how we managed to remain dry as we scooched towards each other, since it was easier to hold the umbrella when we were closer to each other.

And since then, I realized, I didn't want to share an umbrella with another person anymore. Especially if that person isn't you.

Can we talk about us and the things that can be

Is it your fault that when I am under an umbrella with another person, all I can think about is you?
Or it is my fault that I haven't moved on completely?

Is it your fault that when it rains, I am almost always transported to that time when we had to overcome a massive downpour together?
Or is it my fault that I haven't moved on completely?

Is it your fault that when I think of hot chocolate on a rainy day, I think of how enjoying a cup is so much better with you?
Or is it my fault that I haven't moved on completely?

May pagasa pa kaya? (Is there still hope?)

Just so you know, on my way home, I was singing your latest song in my head. It seemed appropriate for the weather. But it certainly is fitting for what I still feel towards you today.