WHY MY EX-WEPT
By: Adah Johnzion
I attended an entrepreneurship program a few years ago and there I met this friend of mine. With time we became very intimate. I could read her heartbeat at a mere glance and she could see me in the evening and know what I took for breakfast. The both of us were lovers of God and attended the same church and so it was not so easy to find us discussing ungodly things or making imprudent moves towards each other even though we both knew beyond reasonable doubt that we had feelings stirring-up.
This lady was like a goddess. Reason being that I had secretly written down 10 criteria to find in a woman before approaching her or proposing to her, qualities such as; the fear of God, piety, understanding, modesty, good-manners, goal- oriented, smartness, calmness, being learned and matured. Humanly speaking, I sometimes wish she could be facially beautiful and be an awesome cook, but those were not really the basic things I looked out for even though she also had them in excess.
But then, here she was, with not just possessing these qualities in totality, but this girl had more outstanding qualities such as; being an amazing singer, she had the gift of counsel, she was very wise, she knew how to speak countless languages, and I once secretly observed from afar, shortly before school-over how she had laid hands on one of our course mates who was sick and vomiting behind the building and how she instantly fell to the ground and was manifesting, while I saw this my friend praying vigorously. After a few minutes, the sickcourse mate stood up and was okay. I noticed they were returning, so I hastily, though gently returned as if I never saw anything.
Although we had become friends for almost a year, this time I wanted something more. I started imagining myself speaking in a strange tongue. I started desiring to speak with great wisdom, this time, not to people secretly like she did, but to multitudes and to crowds in crusades. I also started to picture the amount of people who will become my followers after I begin to work miracles or to cure the sick. Then, I saw the need to draw closer the more to this lady.
Let me shock you: although, she never knew I was monitoring her, she started to like me because the more I acted selfless love towards her, the more she shared secrets with me. One day I opened up to her that I wanted to do all she could do. She was surprised that I knew she had supernatural powers. Then she said, “You may not understand, but these gifts are actually burdens”.
She tried to scare me away because she knew how devoted I was to God, by saying, “before they can be transferred from my soul into yours, the rule is that we would have to meet in bed or you would have to smash me really hard on the head for me to faint, then you will carry my hands and place one on your head and the other on your heart and say some words”.
This time I was already very desperate. I told her, “hahahhahhha, okay na. So be it! Im ready”. She then said I should wait for her upstairs at one abandoned building close by, alone, from 6pm on Saturday that weekend and that I should keep praying there until her uncle who has promised to release her from the shop does so.
It was a lonely and an abandoned room with a dusty matrass. The whole place echoed like kirikiri. I was anxious and had made up my mind to say any kind of prayers to get the gifts I wanted. I even did dry fasting two days before that day. You will not believe that it was getting dark, almost 11pm and she had not arrived. She called me few minutes passed 12am that they had many customers at the restaurant which caused her delay, but that she had been released and was already close to the venue.
Few minutes later I heard footsteps ascending the staircase, she arrived soonest. She then said it was a joke. She started advising me to love God, to read my bible always, and to continue to work hard and to be a good man. After saying all these, she stood up and wanted to go away. This time, I was in the spirit and ‘konji’ had taken hold of me, so I grabbed her by her left hand but she resisted, then out of anger I used my left elbow to hit her head from behind. It was so hard that she fainted immediately. I did this because I felt it was a lesser-evil to rape from the earlier options she gave me.
Then I took her left hand and held it upon my head and took her right hand and placed it upon my heart and repeated the words she had jokingly said I would recite. I did not even touch her skirt. Lo and behold in a few minutes, I saw fire, real and raw fire suspended slightly above my heard. I felt power within my spirit. Immediately I broke into speaking series of languages, from Italia, to Swahili, to Hausa, to German, Arabic and French. They just kept coming effortlessly. My eyes also began to see things I never imagine. Wow! I thought to myself, at last. Immediately, I left her weak body on the floor heading towards the mortuary to attempt raising the dead.
About an hour later, she woke up and saw that she was alone. She felt a slight headache but noticed she was hit because her head was still bleeding. She raised her eyes and discovered he had called upon himself those gifts she had. She began to weep bitterly. She did not eat for days.
She kept murmuring and repeating these words for days, “He is heading towards destruction. He does not understand what he now carries within himself. He now has powers shouldered upon selfishness and greed. He does not know that God does not just give gifts. He does not know that those who give gifts do not just go to the market to buy just anything for anyone. He does not know that if one has not been broken, he cannot carry that measure of God within himself. He does not know that certain discipline must accompany a man in order not to backslide when rendering his gift in service of others. He does not know that God does not serve raw meat to humans. He has to cook and stir you before serving you at table for others to eat, else you will end up a concoction. He does not know that the easiest way to go to hell is carrying an extraordinary measure of God inside you without a proportionate degree of communion with God. He does not know that God is a process-God, and that before He announces any man or woman to the world, He must have seen that all he has and is and all He would invest in you would remain for Himself.
…He does not know that gifts in the life of a man does not make him less-human. He does not know that man cannot use God. He did not know that every gift is a ministry and that ministry is simply service and that anyone who receives empowerment to serve and does not serve would remain a nuisance and a sadist and a bone in the neck. He did not know that desiring a gift was enough to get them out of God’s mercy like the prodigal son, but that the giver could withdraw them if not properly used or managed. He does not know that giftedness without depth in the counsel of God will cause divisions amongst many people and groups. He did not know that every gift is a cross and irrespective of the glories that come with them, most of them demand sacrifices and pains which only those who work closely with God can withstand. He needed to understand that even before the centurion and his family were baptized they received gifts. He needed to understand all these”.
Well, this young lady’s name is the Holy Spirit and I the supposed boyfriend is Simon Magus. If you wish to arrest me, you can find me in Acts of the Apostles 8: 18.
We know that Pentecost is a few hours away and there must have been vigils and novenas and series of prayer meetings all channelled to the Holy Spirit which is beautiful and highly recommended, but then, look inside of you, look deeper into your heart and ask yourself, “why am I longing for the coming of this advocate and comforter; the third person of the Blessed Trinity? What am I truly looking for? Why am I after that gift? Am I truly motivated by service? Am I praying for what will destroy me? If God grants me this gift and I am exposed to the world today, will I be able to control myself in the midst of women/men? Do I have the discipline to pray all night if the devil begins to attack me for casting out a demon from someone possessed? If I am given this wisdom that I seek, will I end up like Solomon, or with the strength I seek end up like Samson? Do I have what it takes to mentor people if this gift attracts them or I would continue to say to them, “Do as I say, but do not do as I do? Ask yourself; sincerely, am I ready for what I seek? Yes, it may come with the grace of God, but remember, grace acts on nature.
Listen, I have listened to and read from wise pagans, atheists and traditionalists,
There are countless gifted and famous singers who are promoting devil’s agenda,
There are liars who are humble,
There are thieves who see are generous,
There are herbalists who have the gift of counsel,
There are so many kind hearted people who are adulterers and fornicators,
There are miracle workers who are hot tempered,
There are prayer warriors who gossip and cheat in their shops,
There are prostitutes who see visions. I repeat; it is not just about the gifts, nor about the gifted. All are meant to point towards the maker and our eternal home. As our maker, often times, it is best that we pray for him to choose and give to us according to his purpose for us here on earth. I repeat, gifts are merely for service and communion.
Daily, I promise myself never to lobby for anything while I pray to God never to give me any sudden cross (gift) that would lead me astray or that He never prepared me for. We hope and pray for a fresh fall tomorrow. I leave you with this question:
“What gift do you seek from God and why?”
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