Going to School with PTSD

Going to school just increased my symptoms of PSTD and created, even more, learning problems for me than I already had. Now remember no one understands or even knows I have PSTD, they all think I am a lazy learner. The powers that be, pulled me out of class to test me, all kinds of tests, which I excelled on. Why one might ask. I think because it was one on one, the showed me pictures, and the tests were designed for a speaking response, not a written or reading response. Some of the tests, I did not want to tell them what I really wanted to, because of the fear of the unknown, like how they would react to my thoughts, and I feared for my family being taken away from me. (More on that later)

As a child I did was not able to memorize, and everything was taught towards memorization of words and sentences. See Jane run. Words were so foreign to me, reading was impossible as my only experiences were learnt by hands-on, and actively doing. I felt so lost, and on top of it all, no one knew I could not see clearly. Most of the time I had no idea of what was going on around me and did not connect with the surrounding atmosphere.

To top it off, in grade two, my mother was sick with hepatitis and I had caught it from her but no one figured out I had it too for over 6 months! This cause me even more challenges to over come. I was punished in grade two, the ruler or strap on the hands because I was always late for school. This was due to many factors, because I was not sure how to get to school, left home late, and when the school call my mom, she said she was not sure why I was late. Telling to her recently she said she was so delirious she did not know what she was doing or saying during her sickness. I was actually in the same condition at 6 years old. This was a time when parents sent their children to school on their own.

So, back to the classroom,
I was unable to sit still and in the 60’s one had to sit, for long periods of time, with out moving around. For me, if I sat for to long, I would become frozen, numb, unavailable, so moving keep me alive and alert, chewing gum, moving my foot, walking around, standing at the back of the room. Otherwise I would be in freeze mode. No information came in or out of my mind.

I was classified as dumb, fail every subject, with the exception of Art. Back in the 1960’s the school system did not know what to do with what they called troubled kids, and the unruly so they placed us all in the same class. It was a zoo! No one sat still in these classes, and the teachers were usually not able to control the class. No learning happened here. Although I must admit, that when I was in a regular class room, I was bored out of my mind, and did not learn in that environment either.

At home I was always called into question about my learning, and had to do extra homework. Lots and lots of homework. Hours after hours, but it was useless because I did not understand most of it, especially the written word. I could not read it either. Summer school, that was a joke. What made anyone think, if I could not understand it during regular school hours, why would |I be able to understand it going to school in the summer holidays?

Homework actually never helped me. AS kids my brother and sister were given money for high marks, like $100 for an A+ and $50 or an A and so on, to give me something to work towards. What a laugh that was, it just made me feel more insecure with myself.

I don’t know how I made it to grade 11, when I failed at every subject. I did repeat grade 3, but it didn’t help me either.

I could not read past say a grade 4 level or spell and I did not write well, and its hard to write if you can not spell. Yes, I can do these skills now, but it years of learning, special training, and the beta light machine, that help me turn these skills around.

It was not until my late 50’s I began to understand how to make my brain work in a way to use understand, increase and use reading, writing and memory skills. It took the coming age of computers, to be able to describe written words, with work on my right hand, I am able to write with a pen, and finding 3 in One Concepts. 3 in One is designed with muscling testing to find learning problems and correct them, and it was discovered in my late 30’s I never crawled-and crawling opens up brain patterns for learning. I did cross patterning exercises for over 3 years to open up new neurological pathways in my brain to open ways for me to learn, to speak, and express myself, and to understand the written word, spell it and write it.

A part of my body is always moving, or I stand up or walk when I need to relax. Backwards, isn’t it.