Redacted Journal - September 22-30, 2019

Sept 22nd, I slept through the night but there was a bang late in the morning from my neighbor. He also banged on the wall as I was getting ready (and right now there are taps from below). (Now is after coming back from church.) Had I thought these were from Igor and bothered him about them I really would have been mistaken where the noises were coming from. ... I arrived at Mountwood Church. I have been having health problems like overheating. My sister had posted a meme that said "Humpty Dumpty had a great fall" with pictures of autumn activities a while ago, but my health problems persisted. There was a meme a few days ago about a guy tricking his kid to take his medicine by lying to him about being poisoned. This morning at church, the pastor prayed for those in North Korea, and then an extended prayer that was like he was telling us about the "International Justice Mission." He said this name several times. They work with police to set people free from slavery, although they aren't always successful. The beginning part of his sermon was about a girl who had to get stung by a bee every 6 weeks/months, and then about him chasing, physically restraining, and forcing his son to swallow bad tasting medicine. He asked the crowd if he was a bad father, and several people gave a vocal "NO!" [The last two together sound like a forced medical treatment. Because them making me sick is just another excuse to violate me.] The sermon was about… three ways to respond to suffering: bitterness, resignation, and submission. By submitting we can glorify God, encourage others, and make us perfect through suffering... I grabbed some snacks and went home, listening to Pawson... When I got back I saw Easton and a... guy holding a baguette. I ate a baguette on Saturday, and laid down afterwards. I read my Bible for a while and underlined things. I spent some time online and ate and laid down with a bit of baguette. As I started to nap, there was a bang from upstairs. A few seconds later there was a sound like someone jumped and stomped on the floor above me as hard as they could. I turned on smart recorder and went to sleep. I slept from about 2 pm - 5pm... There were many people in the kitchen. I saw the office door open, many keys out, and Easton trying to open the padlock to the tool shed with a screwdriver. I watched most of the movie Amazing Grace and read more Bible.

Sept 23rd. There was a knock or two just as I was going to bed around 10:30 from upstairs. I woke up sometime during the night but did not look at the clock, then woke at around 3:30 am and stayed awake from there. I started getting back to sleep around 5 am and there was another bang or 2 from upstairs, plus my neighbor using the bathroom, and a door with wind chimes slamming three times. I left and took the bus. The door was locked, but Arthur opened it for me. I asked him how the event went and he said well. He assigned me to scratching things out again. We had trouble finding markers/pens and them going bad. Saul said "hi ghost." I helped him with some boxes. I ate lunch with Saul. He asked if I was a vegetarian, and whether I had found a job. I explained what had happened with my work permit. He asked me what job I would like to do. I said I liked manufacturing and construction, and had a cert in Autocad, and wanted to be an engineer. He asked me how old I was, and said I had time, and that he was old. I said he could still do what he wanted. He said it depends on the heart, or something like that. He asked me if I partied. I said I read. He asked me what. I said sociology and Dibs in Search of Self and explained the book. We got back to work. I asked to borrow his knife. He asked me to wrap some lamp poles in tape and asked for another piece. A few minutes later he showed me the light he had assembled. I heard him pretending to be zapped a couple times while he was doing it. [Besides trying to glean personal information, Saul was always trying to involve me in assembling more lights, which I had refused to do anymore as it is illegal. Him pretending to be shocked was exaggerating the consequences of him putting up the light and me "helping" him by cutting tape.] I finished and told him it was my last day. He gave me his number and told me to call him. I said goodbye to Arthur. He asked me when I started. I flipped the page and showed July 16. He said he was pretty sure I started earlier in June. [Another instance of someone trying to get me to remember something wrong.] I looked up my calendar and found July 9th. He said I had started writing July 16th but had worked before then. I noted those days were written after, I also noticed Arthur was not signing off on my hours. He asked me if I had gotten a job or a permit. I said it was approved and on the way. [Or lost? stolen?] He asked if I would be staying in Montreal. I said definitely for now. He said I was learning French. I concurred. I said bye and grabbed the first bus… This bus does not go to the metro, and my google maps would not get a lock on me. I got off at a street I knew, and waited for the right bus. … I stopped at my PO box. There was a man at the counter. As he watched me return with no mail, a smile spread over his face. I was wearing my jeans and black running jacket. Nothing to smile at. I went to the library and typed up notes through yesterday. I also looked up Quebec wills. I used my headphones at the library to listen to a message, and of course they work. I went home... I made Ramen, and there was a steak being warmed in a clear container in the kitchen. Saul had asked me if I eat steak, and I said yes. I went to my room and read the news, then listened to "How Great Thou Art." The alert came up that I had less than 500 MB of space left, but I checked and I had around 600 MB. I got ready for bed.

Sept 24th, I woke late in the morning, around 6? and heard a bang, then got up around 7... I tried calling the IRCC but they were busy. I took a break and read the news. Torguard shut off as soon as I opened my first story. I… tried calling the IRCC again. They are still busy. I listened to the Groove IP message I was emailed with Sept 30th, although I see no history of that call in my GrooVe IP app. The message is in French, and it sounds like it is the red cross finally getting back to me about volunteering. Some numbers were given, but it is very hard for me to make them out. August 27th is the last record I have for a Groove IP call. Also, the charity store rarely sends me invites, but the one I was sent on Sept 20th was for Tuesday the 24th, and the bike warehouse sent me one for Saturday the 28th. I am volunteering on the 23rd, 25th, 26th, and 27th this week. Those two would fill up the week, and with my recent health issues could be dangerous for me. I looked at some civil rights resources, and tried to call the IRCC again around 4pm. They were busy for the third time.

Sept 25th, Yesterday I downloaded Khan academy’s app, and saw they had one on medical info, so I watched a bunch of videos about heart problems. There was some loud talking in the hall when I read my Bible around 10 pm, I woke at around 4:40 am. There were some quieter noises from upstairs. I stayed awake for maybe an hour, and got up around 7 am. I got ready and checked Facebook. I had 2 notifications in chat. The only way I can read the messages without downloading messenger is to Request Desktop Site. When I did this I got to a page saying there was a problem with my request. I took a screenshot, and was able to click the home button and go to my messages.

It was just my sister and mom saying okay, but these were responses to me telling them where the costume was in my stuff. I walked to the thrift store and started my job. Evelyn came later. She helped me grate the carrot, but did not wear her gloves. She said I learned well and worked well in French and asked me if I understood. I said yes. She asked me if I had a good memory, and said several times during the day she thought I had a very good memory. I finished that work early, and was going to look for other things to do, but Evelyn said I was faster than her and usually she does little things. She had me help her with the dressing. As I did, she asked me rather urgently and repeatedly if I was patient. I did not answer. She said she remembers my name because there was a retarded foster child named Sharon they used to take care of. It reminded me of my description of Dibbs In Search of Self I had just told Saul about. She asked me to promise her that I would eat every week before leaving and I said I could not promise. I also asked if I could pay less and just have the soup and salad, and that I was going on a bit of a diet. Another woman came and asked if I was from a specific city. I said yes I was from the area, but told her I was from Virginia. [I am not from that city, but am from the area and Virginia. I thoughtlessly answered too quickly, so it was a bit sloppy and unclear. -3/31/21] Evelyn kept talking to me after the work was done, and said it was good to work with me. I briefly shopped, bought a skirt, had soup and salad asking Abigail if I could only pay half, and left. Andrew was at the bus stop and said bye as I went home. I watched more videos about the heart, took a long nap, during which there was walking and what sounded like sliding chairs in the room above. I made supper and did the dishes. Ellie was there. Lucas came in and sat for a while, talking to Ellie. They were saying something about aliens. Carl came in a few times and used the sink next to me. I went back and found I had little time before I had to leave. I was too late for one, so I waited for a different bus, which was 5 minutes late. ... When I got there, Mel told me it started at 6:30 pm, and was in another building, but discovered I was there for the workshop, which she said was cancelled for the volunteer meeting, but felt bad so she was going to give me the basics before she left. Then Sal came, and Mel asked her to take over. We sat down and I asked her a few questions, saying I was thinking of buying a bike, possibly for commuting. I showed her the time as 6:30 was approaching and another woman came in and asked a few questions. (I demonstrated concern that little time was left, and someone came in to take more of it.) After she left it was 3 minutes till and Sal said she could be a little late. She let me borrow a book from their library and got my phone number and email. On the way back a man was walking next to me saying loudly that he had heroin. If I thought I was dying perhaps I would be in so much pain that I would be tempted by a drug like that.
… Lucas stood in the parking lot with a flashlight.

Sept 26, I woke around 1… then woke again, then again at around 5:30 and was awake for an hour, looked up how to reduce the heart rate, slept, woke around 7:30, and read on the way. Rachel said hi and took off her jacket as she did last week. [I had been trying to look anywhere else. She was wearing a thin shirt and was stretching her arms over her head while her jacket was caught, and it was a little immodest. Her expression on this day was one of excitement. She had been waiting for me to come in to do the same thing. This could be to test if I would get turned on or not be able to watch, testing if I was attracted to her.] Hudson, Terry, Sean, and Matthias are here. I asked Mathias about his bike, and what bike to get. I asked Eleanor about the letter of recommendation. We went to bring in bikes and I lifted one. Eleanor asked me to sort kickstands, then brake pads. [Light work, easy on the heart.] Henry came. He said he liked the book but had only read a few pages. I was the one who brought up the book. Question 4 he didn't know how to translate. He left and came back again and asked me the question, if there was a mix up in the hospital and your child was switched, and you raised another for a year, would you want to switch back? I said I would give the other family the option, and if I got my kid back, I might do an open adoption. The way he asked the question was like he wasn't thinking about it before and came up to me with it like it was contrived. [There were a lot of personal questions in that book. It is interesting that he asked that one, and that he did not seem to be asking for himself. This may have related to the number of other indications of a plot to impregnate me and take the child away.] A new girl came and Rachel introduced me. I finished sorting brake pads and Eleanor said she was going to miss me. I had told her this may be the last day at the warehouse. I got lunch together and went to Mathias to ask him if he could write something for me to the employers, and if he had any feedback. He gave me his email and said he would think about it. He had no criticisms, but he said my curiosity and process improvements were great, and asked me to email him explaining what I wanted. I ate lunch and wrote in my journal. I then asked to speak to Rachel and we went to the conference room. I explained I wanted a letter of recommendation as recent work experience to show I'm not lazy and have Canadian experience. I said I wanted it to be fair, and not so complimentary that an employer would be disappointed in my work as compared to the recommendation. I asked for the duration, type and quality of work, who she was and how she knew, things like did I show up and was I diligent. I also really wanted any criticisms of how I could do better. She wondered what I might be expecting. I mentioned sometimes when doing something new I had a longer learning curve than others and I wasn't great with people always. She asked me what I thought of the place. I said it had good people so it was a good environment. Even though Eleanor was new, she was using everyone's experience and getting into the work herself. She asked about supervision. I told her about when I was in karate, how we had the buddy system, and switched partners, so we were all both students and teachers, and spread the knowledge. I thought a system like that would be good in an organization. I also mentioned having written instructions on what needed to be done would be good. She asked what kind of work I might go into. I said manufacturing, construction, warehouse, with the potential of getting into engineering. I said I generally preferred active work, but may do more office/desk work too. She asked what I liked and didn't like. I said disassembling was the best, but I also liked the monotonous work as it was zen. I suggested sorting seats was the worst because they were all already good. Rachel also asked me about if I had moved here, and if I was going to take French courses. I got back to work. Eleanor asked me to group brake pads, and teach the new girl how to sort tires, but only if I wanted to. She also had cables to sort, and suggested I do a disassembly. It was going pretty smoothly till I got to the cranks. Then Hudson said he thought that bike should be put together rather than taken apart. He talked to Eleanor, and they talked to another guy and found out Hudson was right. So I went around collecting the parts I had put away and Hudson helped me put them back together. [I had just told Rachel the worst thing was work that didn't need to be done. Also it tested my memory finding which parts I had just removed.] He acted like an expert saying which brands were good for what, and that the 27 wheel was only a few mil different than the 700. I spoke to Riley. She said everyone was going to the environmental strike, but she offered to stay with me from 9-11, or even all day. I told her to go if she wished. I would just come on Tuesdays and not Fridays. When I told Hudson I was going to be busy, he asked if I would be looking for work. I said yes, then went back and explained I would be busy because of a class, but I would also be looking for work. He smiled. [That was a knowing smile. He asked me a specific question, which, like the one about living in the specific city, had tripped me up as I tended to be vague. So I had to be awkward and clarify with more personal information so I wasn't being dishonest. -3/31/21] I said goodbye to everyone after assembling a few bikes, got a band aid, and left. I stopped at the library to write more journals. There is a security guard here who is very alert and suspicious, and keeps talking in his mic. I left the library, and a woman asked me in French where East and West were. I had to fuss with google maps, and she told me to forget it, but I sort of got an answer for her. [That seemed to be one of those tests to see if the thing that just happened had bothered me, but I was pretty terrible with directions. -3/31/21] … On my way back a guy stood and stared at me for a minute, and asked for some of my food. In the bus station a man started to run, and I did too, but felt a little weak halfway there. A man got on the bus with a jacket I remembered from a man who sat in front of me in the metro, I think Longueuil. He kept looking back towards me nervously. The jacket was a "... Security"? or something like that. I looked in his face as I went to get off the bus and he looked startled and frightened. But he stood behind me and got off at my stop. I said I saw a guy wear that jacket on the metro, and he said he works on the metro sometimes. We both started walking the same way, but I slowed down. As we approached my house he said he felt tired from the ride, as if he hoped to slip behind me, but he reluctantly went inside my building. I asked if he lived here and he said he was in room 214 next door, pointing to another house, which confused me. He checked our mail and I got my camera ready, but went towards where my room was and then I understood this was my neighbor. "Fred" walked by and said "Salut." I threw some orange pieces away in the kitchen, and Carl came in and asked if I felt good. I said yes. I saw Lucas on the way back to my room. I went back and made supper. Easton said bonsoir. Fred looked in for a second, and as I walked back I saw Fred talking to Easton in French. I checked Facebook, and there was a notice about facial recognition, and how if I turned it on it could protect my identity from being misused, which considering employers often check that when looking at people to hire, could be bad for me. I read the news and reddit, and did duolingo. I listened to more videos on the heart and got ready for bed. There was a lot of angry shouting coming from the salle.

Sept 27, Last night when watching the health videos a screen popped up saying I had less than 500 MB in storage. I checked, found I had more, and took a screenshot, and kept watching. I woke at 3 am, 4:30 am, and a few minutes before 7 am. There was a bang on the ceiling after I opened my eyes. I read about cycling. Also yesterday after meeting Rachel, she asked me if I wanted to go to a volunteer day and talk to people about what it is like to be a volunteer. Also yesterday, Hudson asked me if I was sure that was the correct derailleur. It was one of two, and the other was much cleaner. He said he asked because he thought it was the wrong type of derailleur for those gear changes. [Another reason could be to check my memory of the details of parts I had just handled.] I called the IRCC and they haven't received the work permit back. There was a point where the phone kept ringing like the hold was over, then it went back to the on hold message, then back to the ringing. I sent Mathias an email requesting a letter of recommendation. It was unencrypted. I noticed some of my emails with images were stuck in queue, even after I reloaded. There isn't anything wrong with my internet connection, and they have been sitting there since the 24th. I restarted my phone and that didn't help. Changing torguard nodes didn't help. I put them on google drive and sent the links to myself. It appears to be related to the attachments. I got through to the IRCC, and they say there is no sign of my work permit. ... then to the library where I worked on my application and a little journal typing, doing the 23rd, 24th, and most of the 25th, but I do not see them in my inbox. I do see my application for a new Work Permit I worked on. I also returned the French courses. I had to remind the guy they were late. I paid 50 cents. ... I got cash for rent. When I got home, there were notepads by the mail. I didn't end up taking any. I sent the journal again with my other account and it went through. ... The person upstairs was very active this afternoon.

[This was right after I showed some concerning health symptoms. It is sort of like a, “you need me now, and I’ll discard you like you discarded me. -3/6/20]

Sept 28th, I woke around 4:40 am, and as I was starting to wake around 6:30 am, there was a bang. I started to get back to sleep and there was another bang. I did some khan academy, differential calculus, there was one bang when I clicked on a link I already did, and another a few minutes before 8 when I clicked to move on to the next video. The person seems to be stationary between these events... I spent lots of time chopping veggies and doing calculus. The person upstairs was walking around a lot until I opened smart recorder. I watched a few youtube videos. I took a nap that ended up lasting a long time. Cooking took very long. I was trying to make several new dishes. Wyatt told me Easton left some coos coos and I could have some. Later Easton was very insistent I try it. I did try a spoonful. I did laundry right after and ended a few minutes before 10 pm. I did calculus during that. I then cleaned my room and bathroom. I told Easton that the "Quinoia" was good. He laughed quietly and said "Okay." I got ready for bed.

Sept 29th, I went to bed around 11:30 and woke around 3:30 am. There were quiet shufflings upstairs. There was shouting in the hall, and a door slamming with wind chimes. I woke again around 6:20 and stayed in bed till around 7:30. … I went to church... The pastor asked everyone to fill out your information. I abstained. ... After church there was a lunch outside. I sat and ate. People at this church are comfortable being in each other's presence and not talking... Claire also texted me and said she will talk to Wyatt about the video, and that I can pay Easton rent if I can't get it to Emilia. There was a man who followed me into the building... I also played worship music out loud without headphones because they are "broken." My neighbor played old and island music loudly. He also played the song about loving a psycho but turned it down after I smiled. He also tried to open the bathroom door while I was in there. There is also a weird guy who makes sounds like he is blowing bubbles. He did that several times today. He might be the guy who lives across from me. Also Claire was here talking to people, and there was shouting. It sounded like someone said bikes were stolen.

Sept 30th, last night I heard shouting and arguing from the salle/main area. I flipped a coin and decided to watch Elizabeth about the queen of England. It was an interesting movie but had lots of sexual content and I didn't have a good filter. I ended up throwing it away. [I took it back out but wrote "needs filter" on it.] The movie is about the queen deciding whether to depend on other kingdoms and marriages, about true love vs political love, about the "trueness" or purity of that love, and about unifying support and ruthlessly rooting out dissent/plots of treason. Finally it was whether you could have a heart and live through all of that, and becoming untouchable. I woke around 6:30 am and got up around 7:30 am. I got ready and ate. I emailed Rachel, tried to answer what questions I could on my Work Permit application, and tried to call the IRCC twice. The second time around 10, my screen went black, although I could still hear the recorded message. I restarted my phone and they were still busy. I got a response from Emilia saying she would be here tomorrow at 6 pm, which is during the bike shop. I was told by Claire I could pay through Easton. I did duolingo, then knocked on Easton's door with no response. I looked around, and then used google translate to write him a note. While I was trying to slide it under the door, I heard someone in there and knocked. Easton opened the door showing that he was only wearing a shirt and underwear. I handed him the note, and shielded my eyes. He put some pants on, and told me to wait 30 minutes. I had been reacting adversely to sexual content in the movie last night. I watched a calculous video and waited for Easton. He took a while and the first key he tried did not work. He seemed a bit unsure of the receipt book but found a place. He asked if he should make the date the first of October and I said he should make it for today. His handwriting is not as good as Emilia's. He showed me the way he did other receipts, and people had put their phone numbers down. Before he signed the receipt he sort of grabbed the money and I stopped him, but he showed he was pushing it away for my security. I asked him if he wasn't going to get a copy, since he had put the hard surface over the carbon copy. He clearly did want one and made a copy in the machine and taped it in. I started to count the money for him, and he just grabbed it playfully, and said it was good. I got ready and left for class... I took the bus and looked around, asked directions and was early. The teacher introduced himself, spoke to the girl 2 seats down about how long she had been in Canada, then asked me. I hesitantly told him about 4 months. The room was mostly quiet before class. The teacher only spoke in French, but was a little slower and more articulate than most. He gave us handouts, and had everyone introduce themselves. Then he explained what we were going to do in class, and started playing a video, pausing, and talking about the words. People started to leave almost a half an hour early. About 4 people left, even a few minutes before the end of class. I bought tram and took the bus to the library. I reserved time as all computers were in use, and typed up journal notes adding them to the main file with pictures. I took the bus home. I saw my neighbor on the bus again. He followed me with a suitcase, and went to his door at the same time I did… I also got a message from the Red Cross saying I couldn't volunteer with them unless I was fluent in French. I read some cycling and got ready for bed. My neighbor usually trashes the bathroom floor I clean, but this time the dirt and tread marks were in a central location.