RE: What if we are fighting because we want the same thing?
I have 3 girls, the youngest is 11 months though. My other two, do certainly get into some disagreements. I try and get them to take turns telling their side of the story. A different one goes first each time, I really want them to listen to one another and each one to decide what they think such happen now. I try and always remind them to be gentle with one another too. I also like to tell them that it is ok to not agree and ok to not get along all the time but to try and be gentle in how they deal with that. Usually by this time they have both gotten over the initial disagreement.
It sure is challenging being a parent, and first thing in the morning this is not really what you want to be dealing with, but our children our two different beings and we need to find ways to honour that. Not always easy though that's for sure xxxx
How do you keep track of who gets to go first? I really like this method, although I don't always have the patience to struggle with one to listen while another speaks. I think separating them so they can do this is beneficial in our home. I like what you tell your kids about not having to agree or get along. We say that too. It gives permission to have feelings that might otherwise be thwarted.
I usually let them tell me who goes first if I don't remember, I just want them to know that each of their opinions matter to me and I want them to come up with ways to resolve any disagreements.