My episode with vivaciousness and crispness
I am known to be found of cross-dressing. Deep down I think most men/boys are found of cross-dressing or fascinated by wearing a dress. It's obvious as daylight, girls wear pants, so why should not boys wear skirt ?
I was allowed to wear my sisters dresses as a toddler. I still can wholeheartedly enjoy a colorful dress today !
Like most I like to dance and see color and movement. Vibration, music, smell and taste.... all that jazz lol. Vivacious and crispness - living was to me something of a protection, exploring and coping mechanism growing up.
Now going into a particular episode that developed last year with my mind/body relationship. Where I would go into suppression of a dimensional point.
I would use the/my personality of vivaciousness and crispness, without knowing the words : vivaciousness and crispness. My kinesiology practitioner, found these two words, that I had used as a coping mechanism, within my body, to suppress a negative point within. This is now more than 13 months ago. I am visiting this point again with new eyes. I wrote a blog on this last year found HERE
A subconscious point (sex related) that I would judge and think negative about, to the extent of using vivaciousness and crispness as a positive high, pleasure point, to hide the negative subconscious point within in my (left ?) thigh (location of my body). And you know I am very tired of coping, meaning suppressing the "negative, and points about self that are not cool by some preprogrammed standards of my mind.
My kinesiology practitioner found this equation of math and mind structure locked into my thigh. My thigh felt like it was dead, and literally rotten, from the of polarity to suppress the "bad" subconscious (sex) point within me. I would play out my vivaciousness and crispness as a force to weight down the polarity needle, into my flesh. My flesh in my thigh would literally go numb from this mind and math equation and play of preprogrammed/personality mind.
So this is a snippet and a taste of my working my way through my mind, walking the desteni I process, also assisted by kinesiology - to read my points. With using self forgiveness I was able to understand this, to see it, to loosen it up, and then to change it with my living application.
In other words in my thigh, there would be a buildup of energies, to this subconscious point within my mind and my body - where typically I would talk to someone and this subconscious point would come up, and I would react to it and suppress and deny knowing of the existence of this subconscious (sex) point - through living this positive high (that was then coping/suppression) personality of vivaciousness and crispness. Acting and looking vivacious and crisp, when I was pounding on this very personality to drown the subconscious sex point - a bad type of self judgment.
I used to play these energies of vivaciousness and crispness to "hammer down" my judgment of my subconscious sex point. Making my thigh hurt and go numb. More than much else I see within this the dynamics of my mind body points, and how hurtful self judgment and suppression really can be to the physical body.
So today I see that I can again look at these words "vivaciousness and crispness" - seeing how sparkling and alive they seem from how online society/culture handless them - or defines them. Quite a tale - of mind programs. In other words, life does not always have to be "vivaciousness and crispness" - on the other hand - judgment and suppression of the kind I placed on myself is not acceptable. The big point is to become aware and accept and change my starting point, the subconscious sex point - do forgive it and change as it. I have been deluded and driven by minds energy surges and separation desires for a long time. I have been programmed to accept my mind as is. That in itself is a crime deep as any - but there is no one to blame. We are all equally responsible for all that takes place on earth. To become aware and to understand this living, as self, is key. If you understand something fully and completely, there is no (zero) judgment. If you are aware, you are no longer conscious and the more aware you are, the more you can create and heal. Remember it's the consciousness - "wall" that lets the polarity/personality play out its torture/suppression/denial/abuse onto awareness, the flesh (my thigh) the body and the physical.
Vivaciousness and crispness where new words for me until I talked to my kinesiology practitioner back a year ago - that found these words in my body as the suppression/personality.
There is nothing wrong with vivaciousness and crispness, lol, it was how my mind was rigged to suppress, deny the sex point, and ... in that process hurt my physical body, flesh, through the polarity math/design.
Today I take it on me to investigate these two words more, to redefine them for myself, so they can support me and my expression.
So if you can understand this, congratulation you have a keen eye. If you struggle to see this - feel free to contact me and I can explain in more detail. Other ways enjoy the links.
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