Thinking and not acting irrationally is a key to winning her back

If you are completely committed to getting your wife back, you need to take some time to consider a few things.  For one, are you sure you really want to reconcile with your ex? This may sound stupid but sometimes we mistake feelings of loneliness and jealousy for those of love and we convince ourselves that we really need to have our ex in our lives.  Make sure that you aren’t trying to get back together for the wrong reasons.

Another thing you have to consider is, should the two of you even be together?  If the relationship was abusive in any way, make sure you get counseling before you try to reconcile, that is the best way to make sure that you stop any cycle of abuse that may be going on.

After you’ve carefully considered these points and if you’re still convinced that you and your wife should be together, despite some rough spots in the relationship, you have to honestly evaluate what went wrong.  This is about facing your own faults rather than just finger pointing and that’s what makes this step so hard.

It’s always much easier to see what your partner has done wrong than it is to admit what you’ve done wrong. The problem is that you can’t change your partner, only they can change them self.  And no one else can change you, only you can.  So, if you are both concentrating on the faults of the other person, no one is making any changes and you will never make things work if you just keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

That is step 1, honestly assess the troubles that you had in the relationship and be willing to own up to, and make changes of, your bad behavior.  For now, leave your ex out of it, worry about yourself.

After you’ve completed this step, and it’s likely to take weeks if not months, it will be time to talk to your ex.  Hopefully, up to this point, you’ve had very little contact with your ex and whatever contact you have had has been civil and not just one fight after another… hopefully.  If you have done it this way your ex will be much more likely to be happy to hear from you.

If you’ve been squabbling with her all the time since the breakup, she won’t want to talk to you because she’ll be afraid things will just end up in another fight.  It will be harder to show her that you’ve spent some time thinking and making changes.

When you are able to talk to her just tell her the truth.  Tell her that you still love her and that you’ve given it a lot of thought and you think you’ve got a better handle on not only what went wrong, but on what you need to do to make things better.  Now, more than likely, at this point your ex will start to admit or at least give some thought to, what she’s done wrong too.  At that point the two of you have a chance to start putting your relationship back together.

Give this advice on getting your wife back some long, hard thought. If you do, you should see the logic of it and it will help improve your odds of making the relationship with your ex work this time around.