Journal of Psychology. The return of sexual arousal!

in psychology •  last year

The return of sexual arousal!

Often people who are in a long paired relationship, face a decline in sexual desire. There are several reasons for this phenomenon. While I will designate one of the most popular: people themselves forbid themselves to experience sexual attraction to other people, except their partner.

These prohibitions have a plus: they allow you to maintain a more stable relationship in a pair. But there is a serious disadvantage - the power of sexual attraction can not be turned off locally, if you diligently reduce it with respect to attractive acquaintances and strangers, then you want your partner less.

What to do to keep both faithfulness and sexual desire? I'll tell you. Only first I will make a small digression and tell you how sexual excitement is arranged on the material of the "sexual cycle of contact" from the book of the famous psychologist Brigitte Martel "Sexuality, Love and Gestalt."

The first phase of the sexual cycle of contact is psychological:

1. Interest. We look at the world around us, at other people, we can have sexual interest for some of them.

2. Desire. When there is a person who causes sexual interest, and this interest is amplified, there is an inner impulse towards the other, the desire to engage with this person sex.

The second phase is physiological.

3. Excitation - the continuation of the phase of desire. This is a more intense experience, as there is physical excitement.

4. Plateau - sexual arousal for some time remains at a consistently high level.

5. Orgasm - peak, after which excitation subsides.

After this, there is a refractory period and the phase of assimilation of sexual experience.

All phases in this cycle, except for the phase of orgasm, can be interrupted, or they can be arbitrarily stopped.

In the presence of a number of beliefs (for example, that you can not want someone other than your partner), the sexual cycle of contact can be interrupted by a person "on his own", on an unconscious level. As a rule, this is an interruption in the phase of interest, a person forbids himself to want someone other than his partner and his sexual interest is blocked.

It can be unlocked. It's easy, but you'll have to practice.

First, you need to understand that the phases of the sexual cycle of contact, which go before the phase of orgasm, can be arbitrarily interrupted at any time. Just think: "Okay, this person I like, I feel my interest / my desire / my excitement, but then I will not go".

Secondly, accept the fact that no one can read your thoughts. And no one will know about your interest, nor about desire, nor about excitement, if you do not put a person in notice.

Thirdly, it is important to practice to feel your sexual interest.

Exercise for the return of the sensation of your sexual interest: just look at people, anywhere, for example, in public transport, listen to yourself, watch your interest, which of the surrounding causes it. If you are honest with yourself in doing this exercise, you can regain a sense of sexual interest and, perhaps, learn something about yourself and your sexual fantasies. And to embody them or not, this is only a matter of free choice.

When you master the sense of interest, go to the observation of yourself: whether it is strengthened by contact with especially "interesting" people, whether there is a sexual desire.

Fourthly, it is important to learn how to feel your body to feel sexual arousal. These experiences already live in the body. If you have a weak bodily sensitivity, it is important to learn to hear your body to recognize the excitation signals.

Exercise for restoring bodily sensation: get into something comfortable and in a secluded place get up and start listening to the bodily sensations: how your feet press on the floor, your muscles are strained or relaxed. Listen to your breathing: it's deep or shallow. Try to breathe deeply, slowly take a deep breath and slowly make a deep exhalation. Breathe like this 10 times. Listen to yourself, did you change the sensation of the body after deep breathing? What new sensations? Or has something gone? If you have an excitement (as a desire to do something, energy is on it), then where is it located? What do you want to do?

Listening to yourself that way from day to day, you can begin to feel the desires of your body.

And important: when you learn to notice your interest, understand desire and feel excitement, then remember that the further incarnation or not the embodiment of this in life is a matter of your free choice.

So with the help of watching yourself and for other people you can regain your sexual arousal, return sexual stimulation to contact with a partner.

Author - Ekaterina Rumyantseva

Clinical psychologist, candidate of psychological sciences, certified Gestalt therapist of MHI


Phone: + 7-916-672-36-48 

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Very interesting read.Reminds me that my body has a mind of it's own not always working in tandem with my actual mind.

Sounds like they are saying that in order to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with one's partner they have to develop a sexual attraction to others outside that relationship.


We i believe can have a negative effect


Sort of reminds of me of a couple of women who complained that what started out as a little fun watching soft porn to enhance their sexual desire turned into having to always watch porn prior to sex, they ended up feeling like they couldn't turn their partner on without porn.

This reminds me of experiences years ago when I was younger. Whenever my boyfriend and I went out with other couples and their girlfriend(s) were hotties he'd always want to have sex when we got home. It's not a very welcoming experience.

This is interesting.

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Its a great elaborative post.good tips.thanks for sharing.

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thanks for sharing :-)