Journal of Psychology. Freshen long-term relationships

in psychology •  last year

Freshen long-term relationships

How do you periodically experience youthful excitement next to the person with whom you lived together for 10 to 20 years?

The most wonderful warm, close family relationships often turn into symbiosis, into a complete fusion, when it is not clear where you are, or where the Other is. There is a replicated image of happiness: we find our half and complement ourselves to the whole. But, alas, it is in this state of confluence that excitement and interest in the Other are lost - after all, how can one excite one's own leg? You only notice it when it's time to do depilation!

To suddenly see a loved one again and feel the previous romantic thrill, you need a distance, some kind of a gap between each other. And it appears only when it collides with something new and unexpected. Therefore, arrange periodically for your "half" a day of surprises!

Surprise 1: Anonymous gift

On any day, when inspiration comes on you, send an unidentified gift to your partner by a courier directly to the service. Expensive binding gifts are not needed here - they will cause only suspicion and a painful confusion. Suitable is something completely childish, mischievous: a bunch of balloons, a blooming cactus, a basket with some delicacy or a beautifully packed broom with a note to the "most beautiful witch". And you will reveal the intrigue in the evening, at home.

However, this move may prove to be a test of trust in the family: suddenly gifted, afraid that you will become jealous, simply will not tell you about the gift? If you risk so scary - sign a present, just shove a note somewhere deeper - for example, inside one of the balloons. Before the balloon burst, he still has to worry a little bit - and then rejoice, realizing that you are still, as before, trying to win his attention!

Surprise 2: Romantic Message

If you are sure that your favorite or favorite daily checks your e-mail, write a long lyric letter from an unfamiliar address. To create the same intrigue at the beginning of the text, it must be completely unclear who is its author. Then, closer to the middle, add gentle details, known only to you two. And by the end of doubt will not remain: it's you! And it turns out that despite the years of living together, you still have a desire to write to him or her love letters, from which everything inside flutters!

Surprise 3: Funny Pictures

Recognizing love is not necessarily words, after all words are too familiar symbols, and we want something very unusual! Collect a collage of your shared photos called "my happy life with you", or "the husband of a dream," or "the most beautiful woman on earth." It is possible on the eve secretly, unnoticeably take a picture of a loved one in different circumstances, so that even the photographs, of which the collage consists, he has never before seen. He immediately feels your very special attention to every moment of your life - as once, when you only recognized one another.

Computer literate can make from the same photos a video clip for your favorite music. In order to concoct something like this, there are very simple programs: for example, Windows Movie Maker special computer literacy and does not require you to understand it you can "touch" for half an hour.

Surprise 4: Something we're hungry!

Suitable for those who are able to cook pies - and such craftsmen and among men meet! Bake pies according to the number of years lived together. And add each of the folded note to the filling: "I remember how in the ... year we kissed on the boat", "I remember how in ... you threw a basket of flowers under my door", "I remember how, in ... we made wishes for falling stars ... "," I remember how you first confessed to me in love "... Just warn that there are more cautious pies, or the whole romance will disappear in the stomach. And do not eat everything at once, because you still have a night of love ahead of you!

Surprise 5: Performance for Mom and Dad

Romantic evenings, of course, are best spent together, sending the children to the grandmother. But what if it's impossible? Then change the mood! It is not necessary after all to try to return at the very moment of the youth from which your love began - and when you were only together. If you try to bring a zest to the present day with all its realities, without hiding in the past, then children can be included in the process of refreshing the relationship. Tell them to arrange a surprise for mom or dad: to cook together something delicious, draw something, glue the same collage, put a small family play about the life of your family, and be sure about love!

Surprise 6: Shock Therapy

Many couples feel a special drive when they make up their mind after a tumultuous scandal. But the real scandals affect the family destructively - but the humorous, playful cymbals will bring you only a powerful charge of excitement!And even help to establish relationships in those places where they crackle.Arrange the "Fair of Claims": whose claim is steeper! You can even buy a real service for this business and for every claim to bang on the cup:

"I'm tired of your hair in my hairbrush!"

- And me - your socks around the house!

- And me - cups of coffee on the bedside table!

- And me - that you always fall asleep across the bed!

After such a grotesque scandal and embrace will be sweeter, and steam you will release in safe mode. After all, unspoken claims destroy relationships much more than those stated. Husband, of course, will not cease to fall asleep across the bed, but next time the wife, seeing him in this position, will remember the "Fair of Claims" and instead of irritation will feel tenderness ...

Surprise 7: Do you remember ...

Try to recreate the moment of your acquaintance! Of course, if you first met at a meeting in the office, it will not turn out to be very romantic, and if in a construction team in the Murmansk region - then it will be hard to do the same way. But the cafes where your first visits were held can be visited for sure! Or arrange a whole pilgrimage to those places of the city that meant a lot to your love at different moments in your common life.

Which scenario should I choose?

Before you arrange something, you should understand your motives: what do you want to get from the holiday in fact, precisely today, at this stage of your relationship? It is important for you to please your soul mate, or to diversify sex, or to get, finally, an apology for a million insults caused to you, or simply to shout: "Ay! I'm here! I love you! Do you remember this? "

And orienting yourself in your intentions, you will understand exactly, give cactuses "just so" or chrysanthemums, arrange dishes or a romantic candlelight dinner, send children to your mother or include them on a holiday ... The main thing is to determine your desires!

Good luck to you!

Author - Irina Lopatuhina

Psychologist, Gestalt therapist


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Never take anything for-granted, that is the secret to life!

Good article. I myself have been in a relationship for the past 8 years and the last 4 have been long distance since I have been away at medical school. Coming from experience, I think the two most crucial things were able to maintain a raw sexual attraction for each other and that we achieved by trying new things and always showing interest and love for each other. Secondly we tried new activities and tried to find hobbies together and try them out when we saw each other. Needless to say it worked despite the odds of a long distance relationship and we are stronger than ever. Also we put the relationship first no matter what, before our egos before work before ourselves. And that is the strongest key to making a 10+ year relationship work.

Loved the article, will be following you ❤️

Creating relationships is much easier than staying in one. Its really difficult to maintain the excitement and happiness of a long term relationship. So being able to uphold a good relationship with your partner for a lot of years is an amazing thing!

Some great ideas in here. Rise above the mundane and do that extra thoughtful thing sounds like something that needs to be done a bit more often. :)

Nice post but i must confess i am scared of relationships...

Подходят ли эти советы, если люди прожили 30 и более лет вместе? Ведь у них же возраст! И как дедушка будет надувать столько шариков???

i understand people thats why i dont trust relationships they got up and downs ..

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love must be strengthened day by day and the details help. regards
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