When someone is late for your appointment, you get either relieved or annoyed. How come?
Imagine you've booked a meeting with a colleague. You're on time for the meeting, sitting in the meeting room waiting for your colleague.
It's five minutes into the meeting, and there's still no sign of your colleague.
Ten minutes into the meeting, and still nothing.
Now, you may be feeling very annoyed. The colleague hasn't shown the appropriate respect for you and you valuable time. You're ready to really tell her how you feel next time you run into her.
Or you may feel relieved. You've had a really stressful day, and the ten minute break to catch your breath and finally make that phone call you've been meaning to make all morning.
The exact same situation - your colleague not showing up for the meeting - may result in two completely opposite feelings on your behalf. So thus it's not the actions of your colleague that's the cause of you feelings, it's you, your own needs.
It's not what others do or don't do that determine your feelings, it's whether your need are met or not.
Think about the last time you got angry or upset. Which of your needs wasn't met?
Impressive!
Thanks. Just imagine a world where everyone would assess their own feelings based on their needs. We would have far less interpersonal issues. Too often do we tell ourselves that someone else is the cause of out negative emotions, while indeed it's not the case.