Relationships and Psychological Abuse

Psychological Abuse is a form of abuse which subjects a person to a form of psychological trauma. This form isn't physical. The abuser uses POWER and CONTROL. Abuse isn't gender based, a lady/gent can be subjected to abuse. It is also very possible for parents to abuse psychologically.

Psychological Abuse in relationships can be manifested in a plethora of ways...

Gas Lighting
this is when people try to sway you from reality. They play with your mental intelligence by making you believe what they want and not what is reality. For a example, you open your lover's phone and you see intimate pictures and messages from someone else's which they obviously in to. When you challenge them the next thing they tell you is that what you see isn't true. They make you look stupid like you've seen somethingelse. They use words like "are you really going to believe what you see or what I tell you" or for example, in the family, you leave your bag on the bed and within some seconds, the bag is on the table and you keep wondering but I dropped it on the bed. It 'll get to a point, you have to evaluate yourself if you are suffering from short memory.

Manipulation
When people try to force you to do what you don't want to or ain't comfortable doing. They will use words like "but you said you love me now" "you're just going to do it once and it's done!"

Yooooo, if you don't wanna do it, for your mental sake, tell that lover of yours.

Verbal Abuse (name calling)
See ehn, if you don't like the joke, tell them you don't like it. No insult is subtle, insult is insult Biko. I've heard about love who derive joy in bodyshaming their lovers. "babe, why are you fat like a pig like this"
"why do eat like this, hold your spoon like a proper lady now" "village geh, why will you put on red on white"

If you can't correct with love, Biko leave them and don't add to their baggage. There are better ways to tell a girl to lose her belly fat and great ways to tell a guy to eat properly. Name calling is no-no.

Stone walling
This is withholding affection as a form of punishment. A lot of us do this, we feel not talking to a person is a better way to show our grievances. Or we shut them out completely not letting them in. "when you withhold affections, it means the other person do not mean anything to you" You don't have to shut down, let love in baby.

Threat/Intimidation
Please come here uncle/aunty, bring your head you deserve a knock.any small fight, you start intimidating your lover that you're breaking up. So? That shouldnt be!
You can't finish a sentence your lover is already shaking or crying? That's not love, you don't have to intimidate a person to respect you. That's isn't respect, that is fear and it isn't healthy. We all use threat/intimidation without realising, check yourself You're doing that Person a great harm.

Humiliation
You don't have to shout at a lover in public or private places. You don't have to make them feel like they aren't up to you. So I read on one blog the story of a young lady who had to send her story to the admin when the picture taking picture of Banky & Adesua hit the internet. She said her husband can never take her picture in public, she has to beg him before he can take one shot so one day they went to a party and she needed to snap, uncle will kuku not agree. She had to beg a passerby to snap her, next thing slap on her made up face. Uncle didn't stop he went ahead to smash the phone on the ground. On top wetin???

Reverse Psychology
Most of us are grandmasters of reverse psychology. We let the other person feel bad for what we say. Actions like "You don't have do that, you know it's fine if you make me sad"
Like WTF, just tell the person what you want.

The bad thing about Psychological Abuse is that most of us do it and we don't realise the effect on people.

Read about psychological Abuse.

Write out the ones you're engaging in or suffering from.

Talk to someone preferably a professional.

Start building self esteem. Don't allow people talk you down.

Check yourself, don't be defensive.

You deserve better!

I'm not a relationship expert.🙄😏

Should there be a way to love???

Love the way you want to. Love wild, free, sweet, smart but I'm concerned about your mental health. Don't love in pain. Don't stress your heart. Don't break your soul.Deep down you know what is good for you but you just want to push that love because you feel you don't deserve love.
Every person deserves a person that can talk to them in love. Spoil them silly and is ready to take their pictures anytime. I'm not an advocate on giving up on love but I will tell you not to give up on yourself.