Hello!

I have such a life situation for 11 years of living together with a loved one. That's the whole story of my life:

I was born in 1987 on November 11, in 1991 my mother died and my father was brought up. In 2003, I entered the PU, graduated from the PU in 2006 and got a profession as a cook-pastry cook. In the same year I went to Moscow to get a job. I got a job at a construction site and met a guy there, I really liked him, and we started dating. He of course used alcohol at his age of 19, and he promised me golden mountains if I stayed with him, they say it's difficult now, but then we'll live in chocolate when we come to my homeland. Well, I'm a young stupid and hung up my fool's ears. "So I found my love once and for all, for all my life up to the grave," I thought. And on the advice of not who could not, that life can turn out to be complete ... Well, even with a capital letter. He told me that he loves children very much, and he wants a child. And I also love children and I adore very much. Well, I was a fool at age 19 and agreed not to suspect that my lover simply argued with friends at home that he had a baby with the first child. Here we were taken from Moscow by his mother and father. I was already in position. When we arrived in Belarus, I heard about myself a lot of things that I did not even know about myself. I always sat at home listening to everything from his mother who was also under alcohol, and every day everything is new and new to my address, and my beloved at these moments walked with friends and consumed alcohol, and when he came home in a not sober state he raised hand and called not censorship words me. And I also carried his child under my heart. Then they decided everything without me and sent me to Russia to give birth to my Motherland. He took me to the station himself and put me on the train, and did not even leave me, but listened to my mother. In 2007 I gave birth to a wonderful little son, and most importantly, a healthy man. Then I told him that he had a son, and he said "I want to see him come." Well, I've all melted again before him because I love love him, and when my son was 8 months old I came to Belarus, again, not knowing nothing about it, that about me will just wipe my legs ..... My favorite again went with friends and drank alcohol, his mother at home drank alcohol and called me in different words, and I with a little sonulka in my arms, I did not have any money, I was constantly reproached with food I did not eat for months and lost weight if I had was weight 49kg, now 40kg in 30 years. Then we moved from his mother to his apartment. Well, again, I was a naive fool that would be just wonderful, but it was not there ........ I was not signed with him, not even registered in Belarus, was under Russian documents. And when the summons began to come from the military recruiting center for conscription, they began to hide behind me. They decided everything for me, and I did not have anything left, since I did not have money, and applied to the registry office, we were painted in 2010. Again, I was a fool fool fool thought that there just lived, and now in a legitimate marriage everything will be different, but you have .......... Here again, again began to come the agenda of the war machine, again calling in the army and he was told if you do not want to go to serve you need to have a second child. And then I became pregnant, and when they found out they were very mother for the fact that he would not be taken to the army. In 2012 the daughter was born. When I was lying in the family house my husband was sitting at the computer and watching porn movies with his son who was 4.5 years old. When I was discharged home, and I saw this horror all at once, my heart did not stop, and when I said this all to his mother she told me- "Well, she looks, and what's wrong, but the child does not have anything to look at where he is not asked." And as a child does not look if they lived in a one-room apartment, that is, the child had to close his eyes and sit somewhere in the corner while his dad admires naked women and jumps them and watches porn films. Of course, I quarreled and got rid of everything from the computer. And again she closed her eyes and forgave him everything, but as it turned out that I had done all this in vain, since during all the years he had watched porn films and skipped naked women sober. I do not pay any attention, nor any compliments and tamu like that. In bed, he as seen in the quiet of porn movies is excited to imagine a porn star will turn to me to do his job and content to dodge without asking me anything. And it always goes like this. And when I see him in the phone. or comp. naked girls and begin to tell him he's on me to become very violent, like I need to be treated and tamu like that. And when under alcohol he walks down the street with a bottle of beer with me and the children. In 2017, I learned that I was pregnant with it for the third time, but I did not do abortion as it was already 1.5 months and I did not kill my child.
That's the way we live sober watches porn movies in the quiet of me and jumps naked women bodies. and comp. passwords them.
And when I ask him a question, "What he watches pornographic movies and jumps naked women, he says that he is bored and likes it." And I also began to dress in sexual dresses to take photos, and go to bed with him, he does not pay attention to me and does not look at my photos. And I'm also a girl and I want understanding, respect, courtship, I'm still young for 30 years. And for me for 11 years of living together, no one did not care, and he did not pay me the money that I was spending on myself, and he spent on extra money. And draws attention to me only in a drunken state, but does not even look at me soberly.

Please give me advice on how to be me ???