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RE: I was Spanked and I Turned Out OK—or did I?
I was spanked as a child and into my teenage years. My parents, grand-parents, adult guardians used their hands, belts, used (yes used) fly-swatters, and any blunt force object to enact punishment. I am okay but have difficulty controlling my anger. I have no children and notice it takes a great deal of self-control not to physically punish my nephews when they misbehave or put themselves in danger. I attribute my anger issues with force being used on me as a child to control my behavior.
Midnas. You demonstrate amazing self-awareness in this post. It is true that a lot of times our reactions and volatility stem from attachment trauma and emotional injurious sustained as children. It is not a big surprise that if we were hit a lot, that we would harbor lingering resentment and rage. The key, as you have shown, is to learn to overcome those issues or at least understand them so that you don't repeat the vicious cycle.
Sweet response, friend.
You need to release these bottled up emotions. The anger is only still there because you carry around that emotional hurt with you still, look into meditation, ayahuasca and mdma therapy for healing.
Though I have not tried ayahuasca, I have done some forms of meditation as well as mind altering drugs such as psilocybin and MDMA with some positive effects. I also think that one can reach into the depths of their psyche without catalysts to improve upon it. I may never rid myself of the anger that builds up within, but I have the ability to control it so that it does not affect others negatively. I am okay with that.
That's wonderful, indeed we do not need the tools ultimately.
In my experience, we often have more fear and negativity bottled up than we tend to notice. What helped me, and still does help me greatly, is to conjure up the fears/trauma in your meditation and to feel them completely, mentally as well as the feeling that goes paired with it in the body, when you embrace it completely and know you are still safe in relation to the fear, you can let it go and you will cry it out.
Practicing metta meditation can also be powerful (in short, it's meditating on love and compassion for yourself and others, even those you might feel anger to, it's very simple but can be very powerful. Peace :)
Benice, this is an amazing response. Exploring emotional content and crying it out is a perfect start to learning to recognize the emotions and the pain. It is a form of emotional intelligence that allows you to grow and to become even more self-aware. Thank you for sharing.