Define fat. Do you have the same definition? Is fatness measurable? Where does fatness begin or end? If so, then it can be easily determined. If people don't agree on the definition to reference something in reality, then confusion and conflict can ensue. Define your terms first to avoid a misunderstanding.
It's very simple. You and your wife are about to go to the party. She puts on a new dress that she bought two days ago specifically for that occasion and looks at herself in the mirror. She sees the fold of skin and fat showing, but she thinks to herself "maybe no one will notice?" So she asks you "Am I fat?" Are you going to tell her at this moment that your and her definition of fat must coincide?
The question is not phrased correctly. Ask if the meaning refers to the existence of fat, or to the overall fatness of a body. Having fat in one location does not mean one is fat overall. The question is too ambiguous to answer properly. That's why conflict ensues, reality is not understood. Why would someone get mad if reality was being acknowledged? Denial of reality is not healthy, which would be another issue to address. The question is framed as a trap in some way.
Of course, it's a trap. But this is a real question that millions of men have to answer. There are multitude situations like this in life, when in order to make the life bearable one have to break the unity of thought, feeling and action. Well, maybe if we all are in 75% robots this is achievable.
Oh, boy you are in trouble, my friend. The right answer is "You look gorgeous!" Any other answer will give you years of nagging and reproaches in insensitivity.
Define fat. Do you have the same definition? Is fatness measurable? Where does fatness begin or end? If so, then it can be easily determined. If people don't agree on the definition to reference something in reality, then confusion and conflict can ensue. Define your terms first to avoid a misunderstanding.
It's very simple. You and your wife are about to go to the party. She puts on a new dress that she bought two days ago specifically for that occasion and looks at herself in the mirror. She sees the fold of skin and fat showing, but she thinks to herself "maybe no one will notice?" So she asks you "Am I fat?" Are you going to tell her at this moment that your and her definition of fat must coincide?
The question is not phrased correctly. Ask if the meaning refers to the existence of fat, or to the overall fatness of a body. Having fat in one location does not mean one is fat overall. The question is too ambiguous to answer properly. That's why conflict ensues, reality is not understood. Why would someone get mad if reality was being acknowledged? Denial of reality is not healthy, which would be another issue to address. The question is framed as a trap in some way.
Of course, it's a trap. But this is a real question that millions of men have to answer. There are multitude situations like this in life, when in order to make the life bearable one have to break the unity of thought, feeling and action. Well, maybe if we all are in 75% robots this is achievable.
Yes, language can trap us if we don't understand how to use it effectively. With great power come great responsibility. We have a lot of power.
Dont ask me that.
No answer more apt, more succinct and more direct than: Don't ask me that?
I would ask her why she is wanting me to make a judgement of her appearance when my love for her is not based on that.
Oh, boy you are in trouble, my friend. The right answer is "You look gorgeous!" Any other answer will give you years of nagging and reproaches in insensitivity.
A clear communicative signal of avoiding (deflecting) the question, which is basically saying "yes, I think you look fat..."