I've written before about my experiences as a kid and the violence that adults subjected me to. Like many kids who were beaten and sexually abused, I carry a lot of sadness, but also a lot of rage. I'm now trying to work out how to stop that rage destroying me. I need to find a safe way to express it.
Recently, I started processing memories of a group of men who abused me at King's House School in Richmond, London several decades ago. Although some of the abusers at this school have been caught and prosecuted1, the majority were not. This is the school today. I currently have no idea if it still contains a pedophile ring. Since the historical abuse here has never been confronted, I feel it is likely that it is still a place where abusers can operate with impunity:
Within a few weeks of enrolling in the school, I was targeted for sexual and physical abuse by multiple teachers at King's House. Those teachers who were not actively abusing children ignored the abuse being perpetrated. I now know this is typical of abusive institutions and also, for example, describes the collusion between perpetrators and deniers at The BBC and in The British Government in during the same time period.
On reflection, I can see how my previous sexual abuse –– at home and in Scouts –– set me up as an easy target for subsequent perpetrators.
On one occasion, a group of the teaching staff took us on a so-called adventure holiday to the Lake District, via a 'holiday' company called Outward Bound. This trip turned out to be an opportunity for an organised gang of men, including these teachers, to sexually abuse children on the trip.
Over several days, in a large house in the Lake District, other children and I were subjected to sexual abuse and violence. The group that perpetrated these crimes included the King's House history teacher; the 3z form-teacher; and the science teacher. These three men had a history of abusing children.
The history teacher was, soon after, quietly ushered out of the school. This was because his habit of openly molesting children in full-view of the class had become too much –– even for a school which included multiple active child abusers. This is the school's logo:
Readers unfamiliar with the scale and pervasiveness of childhood sexual abuse in our societies may, at this point, wonder how several perpetrators could operate in a school without detection. The answer is that they were actively supported by the institution itself. The profit-incentive of this private school, King's House and the denial system operating throughout British society kept (keeps) them in their positions. This is the same social system that also allowed the former prime-minister, at the time, to rape children2, and the contemporaneous one (Thatcher) to facilitate the rape of children throughout her government3.
To return to the abuse perpetrated in the house in the Lake District: We were separated into two groups, and the more vulnerable children (who the teachers had previously targeted in the school) were housed in the main building, while another group of children were taken to a separate building. Only the children in the main building were sexually abused.
When I look back on this, I realise why this was done: It was done so that, if someone was to speak out about what was done to us, there would be two groups of children with very different stories about the holiday. However, I think this was an unnecessary precaution on the part of the abusers since, as most sexual-abuse victims know: Adults do not listen to children and will invariably side with another adult's account, rather than the child's. This was especially true at the time.
To sexually abuse a child in our society is very easy because most people:
- Do not listen to children
- Have forgotten their own childhood
- Believe that abuse is rare
And this is the context in which I was assaulted, with other children, multiple times during this 'school trip'.
As a kid, this experience felt endless. I had no context in which to place this calculated, organised abuse involving multiple perpetrators. This group of men threatened to kill us if we ever told anyone what happened and used various well-documented techniques to silence us. As any psychologist knows, it is possible to use torture to induce fear-states that generate perpertrator-introjects. These introjects then serve the dual purpose of attacking the victim's psyche, while protecting them from the knowledge of what was done4.
With meditation, I was able to achieve a fuller emotional recall of the extent of what those men did to us in the Lake District, and it makes me furious.
I fully understand the motivations of Guy Fawkes who placed barrels of gunpowder under the British Houses of Parliament. I now wonder if Fawkes knew the extent of the child-abuse which politically and institutionally powerful men perpetrate.
However, I am not a violent person and I don't want to hurt anyone. So, I am exploring ways to release this anger.
Perhaps readers on Steemit have some ideas: How do I express the anger at being raped, beaten and molested by many different adults throughout my childhood in the UK? How do I express my anger at the British Government which continues to facilitate the abuse of British children?
And how do I express my anger at a 'school', King's House which puts abusive men in positions of power and allows them to sexually abuse children?
A recent report on the school says that "Pupils have excellent standards of personal development by the time they leave the School. They are confident, self-aware and emotionally mature for their age."
Personally, the school left me suicidal and it's taken years to regain my confidence and self-awareness. I don't want this to happen to other children.
I want to shout about it.