How to Combat a Psychopath
The Run-of-the-mill-psychopath: Evil Needs a Victim
You already know at least one psychopath. They show up 1 in 100 people. You may not know you know one, but you do know at least one, and maybe several. Not all psychopaths are evil. And not all evil psychopaths are serial killers and rapists.
Today, we’re going to talk about the run-of-the-mill psychopath. The kind who is trying to make a dollar out of 15 cents like you are, but also happens to find enjoyment in destroying and demoralizing others in the process.
Evil needs a victim in order to thrive. It cannot subsist on it’s own. It needs a host to feed off of. If you find yourself caught in the crossfire of their destructive behavior, below are a few principles to keep in mind.
You cannot outsmart evil, so don’t try
I know. You’re super smart. Your IQ is 165. You’ve come up with a really good plan. And this guy has been sabotaging you for months.
Last week, he wrote a dead-man switch into his code to make sure the server shut down when you were on call. And he purged all the logs so no one knew what he had done. You got blamed for it, and on top of that, you had to spend 6 hours on the weekend fixing the code under extreme pressure. You missed the latest episode of Young Sheldon, AND you had to stay up until 2am coding, as opposed to playing Ark, which is how you WOULD HAVE allocated your time.
Three weeks ago, he deleted your programming code, then rewrote it code for code, submitted it, and took credit for it. And threw you under the bus saying how lazy you are and he had to do your work on his day off.
You keep seeing him loitering around your cube. Yesterday, your energy drink was in a different place than where you left it. And it tasted funny. You had a strange and sudden bout of the runs a few minutes after finishing it off. This is the second time that’s happened. You begin to wonder if it was him...and you’re starting to get paranoid. You can’t report that to HR. You’ll sound crazy.
You wanna get back at him, make him stop, make it go away. But every time you talk to him (or management) to try and straighten things out, he manages to make you look worse, making you feel helpless and overwhelmed with fury.
It’s time to strike back!
MAKING A PLAN
The problem is, beating evil is not about out-smarting or strategizing a more clever play. You may be able to come up with something great. And maybe this time it will get him, and it’ll feel so good. But that approach is never going to work, unless you plan to become evil yourself. You see, even if you do outsmart his one play, he will make sure you pay. And it will be where you least expect it, and in a way you may not be able to recover from. And you’ll have to stoop lower and lower every time, just to get him back.
You see, a psychopath HAS to win. He HAS to have control, no matter what. There is no other option. That’s what makes HIM the psychopath…..and not you. So as long as you play the game with a psychopath, they will always win, and they will turn you crazy in the process. Not because they out-smart you, but because they out-evil you.
Do NOT try to outplay him. It’s not worth it. You’ll have to become vicious and deceitful in the process in order to keep up, and habits like that are not something you can take back easily. It will taint your life and you’ll never be the same. So avoid the tango altogether.
I’m not saying do nothing. I’m saying, be smart. If you find yourself in a situation with someone evil, and you don’t have a lot of choice in the matter, here is what you do:
RULE #1: AVOID CONTACT WHENEVER POSSIBLE
Obviously, whatever you can do, stay away. Be polite, but stay away. Don’t talk about them, don’t get on projects they are on, don’t try to find out more about them. Put your zen on: they do not exist.
The more you interact with this person, the more opportunity there is for them to interfere with your life. Keep contact to a MINIMUM! And copy others in when possible, so there is some accountability.
RULE #2: KEEP EVERYTHING IN WRITING, KEEP IT BRIEF, AND BACK IT UP!
If you’re forced to interact with someone evil in the workplace, keep a log, save your emails, protect documents and conversations that tie you to him. You never know when they may creep up with some story and you’ll need to substantiate yourself.
If it’s a family member, and you MUST interact with them, don’t talk to them on the phone. Keep conversations in text or email, keep comments as brief as humanly possible, and try to copy people in on the conversation so you are not alone. Do NOT engage beyond what is minimally necessary.
If you have to have a conversation over the phone or in person, keep it under 5 minutes, say very little, and follow it up with an email reiterating what you both decided. They may or may not respond, but at least your half is in writing.
If it’s an EX spouse and you have custody and visitation issues, this is another issue entirely. I will dedicate an entire post to this topic, as it can have many complicating pieces. But suffice it to say, keep everything in writing and minimize contact. Go through a third party whenever possible, to keep things in check.
RULE #3: TIME IS YOUR FRIEND
Very few psychopaths are criminal masterminds. Those are actually extremely rare, and they are more likely to end up in positions well above your pay grade if they are as masterful as you give them credit for. So if your co-worker or neighbor or EX is some kind of malicious psychopath, you are more likely to beat them at the game of time. Evil people NEVER fare well with time. Something about it tends to bring out the truth. Chances of them hanging themselves before anyone else does is extremely high, and I’ll tell you why.
They can’t keep up all the lies, complicated spins on reality, and manipulation of those around them without repurcussion. You’re not ever going to see a malicious individual thrive in one place for very long without leaving a huge trail of destruction in their wake. At the very least, they will have a negative reputation preceed them, which will only work in your favor. At the most, and more likely, an evil and malicious person has only two possible outcomes:
They will exhaust their resources, burn bridges, and make a bad reputation for themselves, and move out of town before too long--or move onto someone else.
Yeah for you!They will exhaust their resources, burn bridges, and make a bad reputation for themselves, forcing them to have to work harder to accomplish the same goal if they stay put. The result will be:
The need for more intense, devious behavior in order to get the same result. This usually results in criminal actions, requires more time, money, and brain power, and leads to more mistakes (and a higher chance of getting caught). They will get caught at something, mark my word. Their time will come. It's my statistical promise to you.
Fatigue and laziness. Malicious and evil people may find enjoyment in causing pain, but the fact is, it takes a lot of work to keep up the facade if you work the same crowd. If they stay in the same circles, they will wear out their welcome soon enough. It’s going to be frustrating for THEM to have to work twice and three times as hard to get the same results they used to get from the same crowd three years ago. This frustration can lead to laziness, and laziness lends itself to getting caught. The only other option is to escalate to more deviant behavior, or move onto a new host group to feed off of.
My point is, they will get bored with you and move on. Or they will get frustrated and get caught. Whichever comes first. In the meantime, document document document. You never know when your paperwork might come in handy. And stay away! Protect your passwords, get good locks, report crimes to the police when possible (for record’s sake at the very least), don’t leave your energy drink unattended, and keep yourself surrounded by people you trust who can give you the support you need.
I know you probably wanted to hear how to take down a mastermind, but that’s only in the movies. Your name either needs to be Dexter, or you need a criminal profiler and a $1 million dollar budget for that. It can be done, but it’s not going to happen.
Do NOT waste your time trying to be a sleuth. Please live your life. If you spend it trying to catch them, they have won--they have taken your time and your soul--which is what they were after in the first place. If you want to truly combat a psychopath and make him suffer, go make something of yourself. Do the things you love. Spend time with friends. Have sex with a beautiful woman. Drink only the best coffee. Travel. He cannot take your life from you. That is YOURS to give.
If you REALLY need the satisfaction of getting back at them, put some tunafish in their heater vent or something. But I recommend NOT doing anything stupid and reckless that could get you fired, or lead you down a road of pointless revenge. It's not worth it.