Decisions, Decisions, Decisions......

in psychology •  6 months ago


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I am terrible at making decisions. Especially ones that relate to myself and that are potentially life altering. I can go over and over it in my mind until I drive myself, and my husband, crazy. I’ve picked up over the years that it is a combination of different things. I’m insecure, tend to put others before myself and I’m scared to disappoint myself and others.

Recently I have found myself in a situation where I have a very important decision to make and as I’m writing this I am still turning it over and over in my mind. Writing has always helped me to make sense of how I am feeling. It’s like it puts it in an order that my chaotic mind can understand. Probably also why I like cleaning when I’m upset. It’s therapeutic for me to start with something that is so out of control and bit by bit sort it out and in the end, it’s all clean. Like a clean slate. I feel like I have accomplished something. Well, as clean as it’ll ever be with kids around hahaha.

So, what is this decision? Well I have been offered a half day job. Not so bad, right? Well the problem is that I left my previous job because I wanted to spend time on making my dream a reality. I’m scared that if I take the job then I am giving up on myself. Giving up on all the hard work that I have put into building myself back up again after being so lost and broken at the end of last year. It doesn’t matter what decision one needs to make, there will always be an element of the unknown. At many times in my life I have had to make difficult decisions about things that could affect my life and my dreams. Over the years I have developed a little process that I go through in trying to help me make that decision. What follows are some of the points I consider before I make tough ones.

Gut Instinct

When the decision was first placed before you, what was the first thought you had before you could start to process it? This feeling, thought or knee jerk reaction is what your gut is telling you. This is before the heart and mind get involved and start the battle between the two. In my experience this is normally the right option. You see, this is the one that is most true to you. It’s a raw reaction and hasn’t been manipulated yet.

Talk, Write and Draw

Think about it, there are always people in our lives who our decisions affect. I find talking to someone I trust and who knows me well, helps me to sort through all the options. We all have our different methods of making sense of it all. The important thing here is just to list all your options and possible outcomes.

Think About Your Dream

We all have a dream and we all have goals and a plan to achieve that dream. Okay, some not in as much detail as others, but we have probably put some thought into it and know that we need to complete certain things to achieve our dream. In making the decision are you moving away from your dream or can this in some way help you to achieve it?

Modify The Plan

In life stuff happens and these can affect our original plans. In making your decision think about if you could somehow adapt your plan to incorporate this new decision in achieving your dreams. Plans are not set in stone and should be adapted throughout the journey any way.

Decide On Your Own Non-Negotiable

Now this is important for me. I often get caught in a place where I merely agree just because I want to make the other person happy. Here I decide what would be unacceptable to my beliefs and what I stand for. As long as the decision doesn’t affect that I am not undermining myself or my own happiness.

Think About The Worst & The Best

This is important. We all want the best outcome to happen with every single decision that we make. The truth is that this is not always the case. That’s why I say you must think about the worst too. This way you can prepare yourself for both possible outcomes and understand that the risk is worth the reward, as it were.

In the end just believe in yourself and your decision. I do not follow these in any particular order, in fact I go back and forth between them often. Having said that, I am also no expert. I have just found that breaking it up like this helps me in making the tough ones a bit easier. We are all individuals after all and I’m sure we all have our own methods. I would love to hear your thoughts on how you make the tough ones?

Thank you for reading and remember to keep smiling 😊


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i have decided, your post is excellent :-)

i also have trouble making decisions some time, best is to think it over, what effect it is going to have, and on who, and is it something you want to do, do not make any rash decision.

Then go for it, and give you plan/decision some time to work.

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Thank you very much @plainoldme.

Very good motivational post!
I've heard of talking and writing to help decision making.
But drawing — what a great idea to add to the mix!
Thanks for sharing this tip with your #steemitbloggers family! 😊

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Haha I'm glad you liked that 😀. I threw that in as we all express ourselves differently and I love to doodle when I'm lost in thought. Thank you and I'm happy you enjoyed it.

This post is excellent. I hope writing it has clarified things for you. It sounds like you face a hard choice.

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Thank you very much. Writing it out has really helped.

This is such a wonderful post and really great advice on making important decisions. I love how you mention the initial instinct which tends to get brushed off by too many of us in too many different situations. Listen to that little voice :)

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Thank you @therneau. That little voice is very important. It's not tainted by anything yet.

Excellent post @jusipassetti! We all doubt our decisions from time to time, make mistakes from time to time, stumble and fall, but that's what makes us grow as we develop inner strength that we never knew we had, it's all part of life's lessons. As long as we listen to that inner voice and are true to ourselves, you're doing just that and you're doing more than ok!

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Thank you so very much @lizelle.

Great post and I really enjoyed this piece "Decide On Your Own Non-Negotiable". I believe that everyone should be flexible to a certain extent, those beliefs that we hold dear to us should never have to be compromised! If we can stick to those it is much easier to be happy with the decisions we make! :)

I also love how you ended the post by reminding everyone to keep smiling :)

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Thank you very much @annemariemay. Smiling 😀 is very important and it's something I like to remind myself to do often. I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

Such a great post, great advice and so concise. I tend to have issues with decisions and writing helps me work through it as well. I also do the playing out the outcomes in my head and figuring out (or trying to) where each decision leads.

On the OTHER hand, being bipolar, I have far too many times where I just jump into huge changes without a thought. Sometimes it turns out very very good, sometimes very very bad... but I suppose that's just life.

GREAT post!

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Thank you @byn and I'm so happy that you enjoyed it.

I can so identify with this, great post!

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I'm glad you enjoyed it @janique and thank you very much.

Believing in yourself and knowing fully well that you will be responsible for the outcome of your decision will help you to really think well before taking a decision

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Believing in yourself is very important, this is actually one of the things I can sometimes struggle with.

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That's nice, keep it up

Even if you find decision making difficult,with these steps you mentioned,I can say one way or the other you still excel in decision making.

Well decision making is not always easy for me.I listen to my small still voice, talk to a trusted friend about the choice am about to make, consider the advantages and disvantages of my choices and be ready to face the consequence of the outcome whether positive or negative. Afterall,life must go on Sis.

Great piece!

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Thank you very much @kweenbrand and I'm glad you enjoyed it. Sounds like you have a good process going too.

We need to be very careful in life when making decisions, because bad
decisions bring bad results and good decisions bring good results.
Many thanks for sharing yours with us. @jusipassetti.

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Yes you are right and I'm glad that I could share mine with you and thank you.

What an excellent way of articulating a way of decision-making! Thanks for sharing 😊😊

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Pleasure @kiligirl and thank you for your support. I'm glad that you enjoyed it.

I find it hard to make these sorts of decisions too @jusipassetti. The biggest problem I find is I know in my gut what is the right decision by mind doesn't like so it goes round and round in circles trying to justify it's point of view.

What ever you decide it will be perfect! 😊

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Ah our minds like to do that to us @gillianpearce. Thank you very much for your support.

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You are most welcome @jusipassetti! 😍

Life decisions are never easy to make and I first ask God to show me the way and make his plan come true, then I decide what makes me happier. Sometimes I remember what a co-worker says when he or she comes in to discuss "between being right and being happy I always choose to be happy". As long as it fills you with more happiness. Of course, sometimes it deprives the economic effect that is a major factor in many life decisions, where the balance is decided by God.

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Exactly @syllem, people sometimes under estimate how important happiness is.

After my "gut" reaction, it comes list time, pro-con, then the list gets modified, to match pro-con, (making the first list is just that pro/con all in one list), then looking at the pro-con side by side, and seeing if I matched them up right. Then I evaluate in my mind each pair, and strike one or the other out. I do this until the end of the list, then re-write organize the list once again matching the pro-cons, and reevaluate one last time. After the second go around, I have thought about all the issues at least once or twice and should by looking at my list sortaof kindof have an ideaof what i want to do, at least if I don't I at least thought about a lot of angles, and will probably go with my gut instinct.

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Thank you and this does sound like a very through process. Funny how we always come back to the gut though hey? Just shows how important it is.

'First feeling or gut feeling' are normally right, a list of 'to do/not to do' a healthy place to start.

Not always easy to define I find the list works best, it forces on to think and write it down.

Your decision making tactics look good @jusipassetti each individual has their own way of untangling their thought process.

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Yes @joanstewart, that first feeling is always the way to go or at least acknowledge it as part of the process. We all have our own ways and thank you for your insights.

This is a great post. Just know that whatever you decide you will learn from your decision. How about a 90 day trial period to see if your life ambition is worth the job? Best of luck to you. 🐓🐓