Psychology | Introversion 101

It was one gloomy Saturday afternoon when my family and I were bundled up for a staycation at home. We were all doing our own thing -- my hubby Steeming, me finishing up on some chores, and the kiddos amusing themselves with their own charade.

My 10-year-old, who gets to use her phone for an hour (or so) every weekend, was watching some videos on YouTube, when suddenly she blurted out, “Ma, what is an introvert?” Her question caught me off-guard, not that I wasn’t expecting it from her, but because I wasn’t used to the idea that she isn’t a baby anymore. Sigh!

_{Image Source: Liston Tap}

Thus, this post.

How did I answer her? It was as simple as, "Me... you... we're both introverts, babe," which is deeply true. My daughter, as young as she is, may have already noticed the difference -- how talkative and outgoing some people are, when she isn't; how she responds only when called; how she finds herself in one corner reading or writing (she's into writing her own manga now); and the like. We, myself included, are often misconstrued as suplada or anti-social. Now, that mentality has got to stop. Just as how we are supposed to be thinking beings, we should be very careful in how we label people.

But what really is an Introvert? Chances are we have come across the word, however, we do not necessarily know the whole story. The most basic definition of an Introvert is a person who gains energy from being alone and loses energy in stimulating environments, such as social events. But there really is much more to it than that.

_{Image Source: Odyssey}

And so, in honor of my daughter, here are 10 things we all need to know about Introverts (that any 10-year-old can understand):

• People describe Introverts as quiet (and may find it difficult to get to know them).

  Introverts are often described as quiet, reserved, mellow and are sometimes mistaken for being shy. While some introverts certainly are shy, people certainly should not mistake an introvert's reserve for timidity. In many cases, people with this personality type simply prefer to choose their words carefully and not waste time or energy on needless chit-chat, as further discussed in the second attribute.
  _{Source: Very Well Mind}

• Introverts don't hate people; they hate shallow socializing.

  As I have said in essence earlier, an introvert’s lack of small talk is often misinterpreted. People take it as a sign that we don’t like others. The truth is the opposite. Introverts often avoid small talk because we consider it to be inauthentic. We crave a more meaningful connection with the people we talk to, which is why their social circle is small by choice, as explained in the next.
  _{Source: Introvert, Dear}

• Introverts have a small group of close friends.

  While introverts typically do not enjoy a great deal of socializing, they do enjoy having a small group of friends to whom they are particularly close. Instead of having a large social circle of people they know only on a superficial level, introverts prefer to stick to deep, long-lasting relationships marked by a great deal of closeness and intimacy.
  _{Source: Very Well Mind}

  But when we talk, we don't go as far beyond as sharing about our own lives, our own problems, as described in the next characteristic.

_{Image Credit: Your DOST}

• Introverts don't like sharing their problems.

  Say for instance they turn out late for a meeting or are stressed at work, introverts don’t just “leak” this information out to the people around them but instead just think it quietly to themselves as they mull over their plights. They may feel that it’s no one’s business but their own, or they may prefer to come out of their bad moods through their own personal stress-busting strategies, such as being alone in their own space, as indicated in the next trait.
  _{Source: Psychology Today}

• Solitude is essential.

  As introverts, our idea of a good time, or a stress-reliever even, is a quiet afternoon to ourselves to enjoy our hobbies and interests. A few hours alone with a good book, a peaceful nature walk or your favorite television program are great ways to help us feel recharged and energized. This does not mean that the average introvert wants to be alone all the time. Many introverts love spending time with family and friends, and interacting with familiar people in social situations. The key thing to remember is that after a long day of social activity, an introvert will probably want to retreat to a quiet place to think, reflect, and recharge.
  _{Source: Very Well Mind}

  And because we need to feel comfortable and safe in our own space (just as how a bear would feel about his cave during hibernation), we would really hate for the phone to ring, at times, which leads me to the next.

_{Image Source: Medium}

• Most Introverts hate talking on the phone.

  We already know that people high in introversion don’t reach out voluntarily to their social circles. If they have a few minutes to spare, they won’t initiate a call just to pass the time by socializing. It’s quite likely that if you’re a true introvert you would avoid jobs in which you have to engage in such outreach, such as becoming a telemarketing or sales representative. This may relate to the desire not to be evaluated. By calling people, you risk being told “no” in person, which you may find demoralizing.
  _{Source: Psychology Today}

  You may be wondering, "how do introverts work? How are we as leaders or as members of a group?"

  Another myth about introverts that needs to go down the drain is that we are fragile beings who can't be relied upon with projects, plans, or responsibilities. Then again, we are introverts, not newborns who need our diapers changed. What will follow are some attributes that describe all that.

_{Image Source: Pinterest}

• Introverts lead best when others are self-starters.

  Despite the belief that introverts are so quiet that they can’t step up to the plate and run things, under the right circumstances they can be the best leaders of all. If the group is ready to lead itself, then the introverted leader will draw the most potential out of them. It’s only when the group needs a spark provided by its head that introverts might be unable to provide the necessary guidance. Then you’ll need to partner with an extroverted yin to your yang.
  _{Source: Psychology Today}

• Introverts prefer to stay out of the spotlight.

  Introverts hate to be the center of attention, even if they deserve to be called out for an achievement or a mere recognition. They would just brush this off instantaneously, or divert the attention to something else. And this trait, in particular, would make introverts pass as good leaders, I think. As a leader, an introvert would want the spotlight to be on all members of the group, not just to himself.

• Introverts think best alone.

  They're not opposed to group meetings or discussions, but if they want to come up with a creative solution, they need some time to work the problem out on their own. Having the opportunity to reflect quietly on a problem allows them to make the maximum use of their ability to engage in original thought, and to produce results about which you can feel proud.
  _{Source: Psychology Today}

  While introverts are deep thinkers, we would sometimes live up to the name you'd be surprised how deep we could go, as described next.

_{Image Credit: Introvert, Dear}

• Introverts love introspection.

  I remember my daughter at 5 years old (or was it 4), when she asked me, teary-eyed, what would happen to her if we "passed", where ever she got the idea from. I was pretty sure it didn't come from me, nor her father, but that was when I realized, with so much pride and joy, that she had me written all over her face. As they say, the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.

  For introverts, introspection comes as naturally as breathing. We love to explore the colorful landscapes of our imagination. Many of us have been criticized for our mind wandering. We’ve been told to get our head out of the clouds and stop daydreaming. What people don’t understand is that there is a good reason for our inward ways.

  The outside world often feels like an assaulting force for introverts. At every turn there are energy vampires threatening to suck us dry. Turning inward is as much a means of survival as it is a source of comfort. Our love of introspection also brings meaning and direction to our lives.
  _{Source: Introvert Spring}

_{Image Source: Amber Bird}

These are just some of the many qualities an introvert is known for, hoping to burst your bubble of stereotypes that you have reserved for us. Yes, we are "social beings", but that doesn't mean we're supposed to be socially extravagant. If that's the case, then what becomes of us who radiates in silence?

Always remember this: asking for introverts to speak up is as rude as asking for extroverts to shut up. You don't want to be rude, do you? If only the world wasn't so full of labels... But if you must, label like an introvert would -- with caution.

Can I hear an amen, fellow introverts?

Thank you for reading!

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