To Speak Badly of Another Person Talks a Lot About You
The way you describe others defines you. The way you label, judge and value those who surround you lets you glimpse part of your personality, are subtle but always evident brushstrokes of your identity and even your self-esteem. This is something that we undoubtedly see daily and that we also suffer when others attribute traits that have nothing to do with us.
Let's admit it, we all make judgments of those with whom we cross each day. Doing so is a more than evident need of our brain to try to control our environment and know, in some way, what to expect. We are therefore facing a perfectly normal and even obvious psychological process, a mechanism that controls the amygdala in its usual purpose to guarantee our survival.
"Discretion in words is worth more than eloquence."
-Francis Bacon-
In fact, in an interesting study conducted at the University of Psychology in New York, and published in the Journal of Neuroscience, we explain that this small brain structure values
in just a few milliseconds if someone is legit or not, if that person It is interesting to us or, if on the contrary, it is someone who should be avoided. In fact, we could say almost without error that for our brain the first impression is everything, although evidently, there are small and interesting nuances.
Thus, when the brain tonsil makes that very rapid assessment of whether someone can be of our confidence, who then enters the scene is the filter of our personality. It will be she who despite that first assessment choose to approach (or not) that person to see if that first trial is right. It will also be she who makes derogatory attributions (or not) to those who inspire mistrust, she in essence, who articulates, mediates and determines the way in which we relate and treat others.
The way you describe others gives you away
A Chinese proverb says that sometimes you can crush a person just by the weight of your tongue. It is a great truth and no one can question how the movements of a language (without having bone) can do so much damage and cause so much havoc. This is something that most of us see every day in almost any context, at work, at home, among friends ...
People communicate with others as part of our socialization processes. Thus, during these interactions it is common to be kind, correct and solicitous. However, if there is a widespread virus is the exercise of criticism, the use of the label, contempt and even the lowest offense. Those profiles that like to attribute negative traits to others almost constantly abound in excess. As an exercise to practice every day, like that custom that more than a punctual whim is a habit.
"You are what you say." This statement is not ours, but of Dr. Skowronski of the University of Wake Forest, in North Carolina, who made a detailed investigation about the personality styles and attributions that we make. In it, a fact that we all intuited was clear: the way you describe others defines you. We are what we say, we are everything that we infer and that we project in those around us.
The one that uses derogatory labels, that of dark glasses
Some people do not want to see. Who always goes with his glasses of dark glasses and his short-sighted eyes moving through a blurred world that is best to distrust. They are those profiles that are carried away by stereotypes and do not want to see beyond, are those who despise and reify, those who mock and criticize those who are not, think and feel like them.
If the way you describe others hints at your personality, those who always use negative and critical labels often show that inner emptiness where the lack of self-esteem lives, where the use of disqualification leaves the frustration so transparent like unhappiness.
The one who practices the affiliation, the one with the pink glasses
In the aforementioned research at Wake Forest University, something very striking could be seen. The people who made the least judgments were those who showed the most affiliation skills. Thus, those who are characterized by being more positive, optimistic and with a good self-esteem do not get carried away so much by those previous assessments and prefer to take contact and establish closeness.
Only when we allow the use of valuations, labels and inferences with little or no solidity to be left aside, do we increase the possibilities of affiliation with those around us, of creating new, more solid friendships, of shaping more respectful environments with far fewer prejudices.
When you describe others without the weight of mistrust, prejudice and ridicule, you almost unknowingly allow yourself the opportunity to generate greater synergy with the people who surround you, free from the wall of stereotypes and pigeonholing.
To conclude, let's avoid the excessive use of our dark glasses. Often they will be useful to protect us from certain harmful reflexes, it is clear, but it is always better to remove filters and expand the vision as much as possible. An awake, interesting and humble look will always capture many more things than those eyes accustomed to living in their own darkness ...
Judging & Criticizing Others: How To Destroy Your Own Happiness
Source youtube Project Life Mastery
Reference:
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/08/100802165441.htm
Hi @joelgonz1982!
Your post was upvoted by @steem-ua, new Steem dApp, using UserAuthority for algorithmic post curation!
Your UA account score is currently 2.564 which ranks you at #14953 across all Steem accounts.
Your rank has improved 15 places in the last three days (old rank 14968).
In our last Algorithmic Curation Round, consisting of 361 contributions, your post is ranked at #355.
Evaluation of your UA score:
Feel free to join our @steem-ua Discord server