Do we really need more evidence that the whole institution of family life is a massive conspiracy against kindness and common sense?

Actually, yes. We would need more than that.

I partly agree with you. It is not easy to be aparent and it has become increasingly difficult in this digital age. Add to that a massive economic crisis and you have the perfect recipe for desastrous relationships.
Every day can become a challenge and then there will be plenty of people telling you that "nobody said it would be easy" and all those platitutes they throw at you to make you feel that sorting obstacles is part of the job and yours is better done, more deserving if you have shared your fair share of hurdles.

That being said, there are plenty of people I know who has done wonderful things with their families. Harmony to the end (no suicides, no abuse, to abandonment), extended families that contribute to making their surroundings and people close to them better, etc.

The thing is we would have to renounce humanity if we all agree that having children is pointless. We'd be gone in a century or so. I am not sure that is the best we can do as a species.

About the grandfather whose

ashes are still in a cupboard because no one knows what to do with them.

I'd have dumped them on the spot. No big deal. Why keep them if the memory of the guys brings only trauma.
Practicality is probably what we are missing or lacking as a species. most of the problems associated with parenthood are the result of unnecesary troubles caused by arbitrary rules self-imposed or otherwise.
People should not be pressed to have children, but once they have them there should be better ways to raise them so that we don't have to face so much crap (financially, emotionally, socially). It has to come from above (institutions,governments), individuals can only do so much.