I love Autumn, I think autumn would be my favorite season if it weren't for the part at the end when everything dies...
I've lived in New England all my life where fall is a spectacular affair of rioting colors.
How do you explain changing from green to monochrome requiring an interlude of oranges, reds and yellows? For some reason, nature celebrates summer's dwindling decline and demise with a garish array of party colors.
The heat that had been relentless all that summer, now was lingering long into autumn. Leaves clinging stubbornly to the trees rustled listlessly in the warm November air. I was grateful for their cover. What had also lingered long and hard was my ridiculous obsession with the neighbor who's house would be clearly visible from where I sat on the deck as soon as the last hangers on finally fell to the ground. (For a history of this non-relationship please refer to my earlier posts)
Brian had actually made another move in mid-September. I was washing my old ford taurus in front of the house when I saw his car up the road stopping to get the mail. Evidently he had seen me as well. I continued sponging the soapy water across the hood while watching covertly as the shiny silver BMW cruised past his driveway and coasted smoothly down the hill.
Coming to a stop along side of me, he asked if I wanted to wash his car next. I said "Sure" and aimed the hose at his open window. We continued to talk as I finished washing and then dried my car, (just for the record, I was not really wearing a bikini).
I'm afraid I don't remember most of our conversation that day. I no longer can recollect how he managed to introduce the topic, but I do remember him bringing up the subject of our respective "sexual peaks". He pointed out that men were at their peaks somewhere around their 20's (his age) while woman didn't reach their sexual peak till they were, well, about my age.
How smooth is that? Pointing out how much older than him I was. Great strategy for putting me in the mood dude! Clearly this was one obsession that could never have survived much contact with the actual object. The guy had no game. Absolute zero. Whether I might have been susceptible to seduction, no one will ever know. I do know I had no difficulty shooting down his come-on.
After he left, I remember thinking (for maybe the millionth time) that had to be the obsession's final death rattle, but months later the autonomous complex was still droning on (and on and on).
At the same time that this was going on, I was immersing myself in the voluminous works of Carl Gustav Jung. Back then much of what Jung wrote was definitely over my head. I would read the pages, trying to understand my internal make-up but, at the time, the structure Jung described was just way too different from my way of thinking.
But I continued to plow along best I could because, as I did, it felt as though other parts of me were reading over my shoulder. While my conscious awareness struggled to decipher an occasional coherent concept, on another level, something was starting to stir. Something that recognized itself in the words that I ingested was being activated.
But even at that early point, I realized that Brian was not the true source of my obsession. I had encountered, what Jung called "the animus".
Our idea of what we are is such a piss-poor representation of the real story. Evolution has worked long and hard to make us the final product of the development of ego consciousness. That's to say, it's convinced us we are isolated individuals, safely encased in the confines of our own heads.
Brian and I were both entangled in something. Although the physical proximity of our homes definitely played a role, the physical arena was not where the action was unfolding. Clearly this firestorm was taking place somewhere else. We frequently use the expression "It's all in my head", but that's not right either. There's another level of "consciousness" that everyone participates in without ever admitting it exists. On that level what goes on in our heads, escapes its confines and interacts with other individuals in our lives.
And I don't want to give the idea that all this only applies to people "falling in love". That is just one of many, many ways these influences affect us. Everyone has their own individual point of intersection. Frequently, what has been our chief weakness, is also our connection to real power because that's where forces too powerful for consciouness to control maintain their hold. Another example of involvement in the unconscious that's totally unlike falling in love and is far from uncommon is what's widely known as THE HEAD GAME.
I have another neighbor, Jake. He used to be a wholesale liquor salesman. Although they're in their forties, he and his wife, Lindsey like to drive into Manhattan on the weekends and show up with the beautiful people in places like 1 Oak, after 1:00am.
Generally they were way too cool and high-end for our hood, but, for whatever reason they ended up here. They're good neighbors, pretty down to earth, at least with Gary and I. They don't put on airs (despite their superior social status). We've become friends over the years, (despite our complete lack of social status).
But Jake is a gamer. Forever teasing you with promises to fulfill your heart's every desire. When we first met him he would tell us that, one of these nights, he and Lindsey would take us with them into the city. Of course they never actually would. But assuming we viewed their existence with secret longing, he repeatedly offered to show us what it's like to be in with the IN crowd. Eventually I confessed that I really had no interest in the party scene anymore so he'd realize there was no point continuing to waving it under our noses.
But we all know people like this, (or maybe you are one). They'll offer to procure for you the world. And if they can keep you interested, they'll keep on offering. I won't deny that sometimes they come through. But whether they do or not all depends on what they think will push your buttons and hook you into the game.
TBH, early in the relationship I was a victim. It's not hard to recognize when you're just being jerked. I don't generally fall for it, but for whatever reason, Jake's obvious mind game became effective and I'd find myself frustrated by him constantly saying "It'll for sure be today." "No, tomorrow morning." "No this afternoon" "How about tonight?" And of course when night roles around...nothin'.
Thing is to head gamers there are two kinds of people in the world, those that play games and their victims.
He once read something I had written, that apparently made him see me as an 'insider' on the insides. He remarked to me how some people are just clueless when it comes to what's going on inside their own heads. The statement made it clear that he was very conscious in his efforts to pull people's energy his way. It was also clear how much he looked down on people that weren't even aware of this arena.
He shouldn't feel so superior.
Head gaming exemplifies a situation in which you are, in fact, working against your own wellbeing in service to some other part of your being. Jake's physical existence is not enhanced by inflicting frustration on anyone and everyone he can. Why does he do it? Because, when he gets it flowing his way, the energy feels good. This is another expression of the power of the unconscious being experienced by conscious awareness. He sees it as empowering himself by obtaining his victim's energy,
but HE is NOT empowered.
I like the Jake. He's really looked out for me and been a good neighbor, but for sure it tempers my gratitude that he has to jerk me around whenever he's in a position to do me a favor. And of course I'm not alone. The bottom line is that his personal life suffers because he destroys all feelings of appreciation and loyalty that would generally lead to some form of reciprocation.
I don't deny that he does attract that energy. The question is, does he really 'gain' any power? I would say no. I would say he experiences it as it flows through him and it feels good, but that's not actually acquiring it for his own use.
This post illustrates just two examples of how we experience interconnectedness with the unconscious. There are many others. We know on some level that we have these experiences, yet they continue to operate below the radar when we ignore or at least don't fully admit that we are effecting each other in quite this way.
With very few exceptions, we all have areas in our lives that we experience the energy of the unconscious in some form. Do you know yours? If you do, let me know in the comments. Let's bring it into the light. It's important to discover the truth of this kind of activity, whatever form it takes.
If we were fully cognizant of these deeper levels of operation, we could use them much more wisely.
I'm convinced that "the awakening" mankind is currently experiencing, at least in part, is the recognition of various other arenas we have participated in unconsciously, or at least only semi-consciously, that can now become incorporated into what we call "reality".
We need to recognize, relate and hold our own during a process of integration with parts of our being that, till now, have always remained on the edge of consciousness.
So that's where I'll be going in future posts. I hope you'll continue the journey with me.
If Steemit's really all about original content, that much I can guarantee.
I hope you enjoyed this post:)